by Will Stephen on April 24, 2012

DEAR DIARY,
OK PLEASE TRY TO IGNORE THE BLOOD THAT I AM GETTING ON YOU RIGHT NOW BUT THIS IS THE MOST EMBARASSED I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE. I WAS AT THE ZOO AND THERE WAS THIS F*CKING CUTE PENGUIN IT HAD WEIRD BIRD TEETH AND I TRIED TO TOUCH THEM BECAUSE IVE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE BUT OMG IT F*CKING BIT ME!!!!!!!!! AHHHH I'M FLIPPING OUT EVERYONE WAS LOOKING AT ME AND I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER BE ABLE TO SHOW MY FACE EVER AGAIN ANYWHERE I HAVE BEEN CRYING ALL DAY IN THE BATHROOM AND NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE AND THEY STILL WANT ME TO GO GET DELEGATES OR JUST LIKE DROP OUT AND STUFF BUT LIKE THEY DONT UNDERSTAND HOW AWFUL THIS IS, LIKE I KNOW I LEFT MY SICK WIVES AND THAT WAS BAD BUT LIKE I DON'T DESERVE THIS OR NEED THIS RIGHT NOW. I JUST WANTED TO PET SOME DUMB CUTE BIRD AND THIS IS MY LUCK!!!!!!!!!! DSABDSKBHKFLSABLHF GOD SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE NO ONE EVEN CARES ABOUT HOW SPECIAL I AM!!!!!!!!!

ALSO I SAW ANN ROMNEY SMILE WHEN SOMEONE SAID I GOT BIT BY THAT DUMB CUTE BIRD AND I JUST HUDILABFLYDHABFDLSA HAAAAAAAATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!

WAIT wheres my ipod…

found it. but like… dont cry for me diary, ur better than that. when im president (if anyone actually cares) ill make u secretary of education or something hahaha just kidding but maybe actually? we'll see, no promises ;)

WHOAAAA i actually feel so much better now diary because i just put my ipod on shuffle and u are not going to believe this, but the first song was dixie chicks "landslide" and i swear its reading my mind right now. mind = blown. it's a sign. this is officially like my presidential anthem now.

thanks for being there for me diary, unlike the entire u.s. of a.

your pres forever and ever,
n

ps if u were a girl i would leave my wife and marry u jk but actually

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