Wanna feel old? Zack Morris (aka Mark-Paul Gosselaar) turns 101 years old today.

Amir Blumenfeld (@jakeandamir) April 25, 2012

I'd enjoy Game of Thrones more if everyone wore name tags, and summaries of their stories so far.

Kevin Corrigan (@kevincorrigan) April 16, 2012

Open mics teach you a simple three-step formula for effective joke-telling: Setup, Punchline, Insist Punchline Was Funny.

Alex Schmidt (@AlexSchmidty) April 16, 2012

Do you think Justin Timberlake has ever danced his penis into a girl then moonwalked out? I've got to believe the answer is yes.

mah ree nah (@marinarachael) April 20, 2012

Do teens wear different Angry Birds on their shirts 2 indicate social status? Saw a kid in a red bird tee get jumped by a gang & was curious

H. Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) April 25, 2012

Getting back together with an ex is like rewatching Lost. You loved it the first time around but you know it'll eventually end really poorly

Dave Rosenberg (@Davey_F_Baby) April 27, 2012

Take me down to the Paradox City where the grass is grue if first observed before time T, and bleen otherwise.

Jesse Eisemann (@eisemann) April 18, 2012

Dunno why ppl r still asking "who stole the cookie in the cookie jar." It was obv the chubby kid who thought everyone was allowed to have 2.

Hallie Cantor (@halliecantor) April 25, 2012

What did sleeves do to frat dudes to make them hate them so much?

Matt Grote (@feMANism) April 21, 2012

I'm not into lying about who I am to get attention from women, but I've also never worn a sweater nice enough to pass for a French bulldog.

Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) April 18, 2012

Let's be honest – the reason everyone has such fond memories of Oregon Trail is because the alternative was class.

Jeff Rubin (@JeffRubinShow) February 3, 2011

Nothing screams "gay" like my stepdad at me.

Wiseguy Pictures (@WiseguyPictures) August 18, 2011

Ever wonder why you never see pigeons at night or rats during the day?! I can't help but feel we're all getting Ms. Doubtfired.

Jeff Rosie (@JeffRosie) April 17, 2012

There's nothing quite like a nice, cold beer after a long day of drinking nice, cold beer

Streeter Seidell (@streetseidell) April 20, 2012

today's inflight movie is "look out your windows and see the majesty of existence you idiots" just kidding its"juwanna mann"

Andrew Bridgman (@AndyBridgman) April 27, 2012