"Facebook Life Event Options Are Getting Judgemental" by Hallie Cantor

In Facebook's new profile editor, you can now add "Life Events" to your timeline, including whether or not you've registered as an organ donor. Get off my back, Facebook. God! I'm getting to it.

Facebook Life Event Options Are Getting Judgemental - Image 1

Organ donor (screenshot of the actual organ donor option) Donated to Charity Amount (blank field) When was the last time you: vPut money in a tip jar (blank field) Donated your old clothes (blank field) Gave change to a homeless person (blank field) Quit Check the bad habit you quit: Smoking Drinking Smoking pot Biting your fingernails like a disgusting animal Texting that guy/girl you almost once had a thing with and spelling “yo” with multiple “o”s When you knew you finally had enough of your pathetic dependency and did something about it: (blank field for story) Started Volunteering Which of the millions of worthy causes did you manage to take time from your busy and important schedule of being privileged to help? (blank field) Hours per week (drop-down menu) That’s it? (drop-down menu) What did you do with the rest of the precious time that you could have spent volunteering? Watched Netflix? (drop-down menu is extended with choices “Yes.” and “I’m sorry.”) Got a Pet Is it a rescue? (dropdown menu option, “No.” is selected) Do you live in a city? (“Yes” is selected) Type of animal you’re plaguing with massive overpopulation and starvation. (“Dog” is selected) Breed you’re domesticating against its will to curb your own loneliness (“Beagle”) Sounds cute. Started Recycling You just now started recycling? Jesus Christ, are you kidding? What have you been doing for the past twenty years? “Going to college”? And did they teach you anything at that college about the impact you make on climate change with the sheer amount of non-biodegradable materials you’re adding to the environment on a daily basis? I bet you get ten plastic bags every time you go to the grocery store, too, because you forget your cloth bag at home and you’re too lazy to go back to get it. Honestly. What are you even thinking? (teeeeeny tiny blank field) Gave Blood Have you given blood this month? (“No” is selected) You’re a piece of shit.

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