Whilst staring in mirror

Just the other day

I saw a sight which didn't seem

Like it was doing okay.



These past few years

No more than five I'm sure

My body has taken a turn for the worse

And there may not be a cure.



My breasts did sag

My stomach stuck out

The speckled dots all over my feet

Looked and smelled of gout.



What can I do, I asked myself

To cure this horrible sight

I could take pills or get my thrills

By eating healthy, right?



Be that as it may, I'm a slave to meat

And butter and cream to boot

And those pricey pills, so quick and easy

Cost way too much loot.



Ah Ha! I thought, I know what to do

I'll join a gym and then

I can get all fit without a diet.

I'll be strong and quick and thin!



Four days a week I gather the strength

To drive to my little gym

And ride on the bike, swim in the pool

And lift things again and again.



It has been two months since I started this

And the benefits have yet to show

For while my shoulders get broader and my chest gets harder

My hips continue to grow.



But it's not my body that's concerning me now

It's something that has no good

There's a man by the showers, all covered in powder

Who keeps staring at my manhood.



Why can't I change in peace,

With some semblance of privacy?

I suppose that my shlong, which isn't that long

May have given this man some jealousy.



I paid a serious amount of cash

To use that tiny gym room

All I got was a skin rash

While my love handles continue to bloom.



Looking back on it now, some things have come clear

I wasted my money when I could have saved.

I got fatter when I should have lost weight.

And some people in the locker room don't know how to behave.