Like this? Follow Caldwell on Twitter and/or Tumblr.
More By
Caldwell Tanner
More By
Alex Watt
The Ultimate Facebook Status Update
By
Caldwell Tanner and Alex Watt
1. Jeff looks at his phone, it shows a facebook notification. Tim looks up from his computer and responds. Jeff: “Wow, I got five likes on the status I just posted.” Tim: “Pfft, that’s it? Dude, I could get 1,000 likes on a post EASY. 2. Jeff, looking annoyed, addresses Tim with a challenge. Jeff: Oh yeah? 3. Close up on Jeff’s face, he is super serious. Jeff: PROVE IT. 4. Tim looks hesitant. His face is heavily shadowed. Tim: D-don’t make me do this, man. You might regret it. Jeff: HA! I Knew you were bluffing, dude. Just admit it! 5. Tim begins typing. Tim: NEVER. Challenge Accepted! 6. Jeff looks at Tim’s screen. It reads “RIP JEFF. Gonna miss u BROLO!” Jeff: Hrm. I’m not sure I get i- 7. Tim stabs Jeff with a knife. 8. Ghost Jeff, now in heaven, checks his phone. It shows that Tim’s status now has 1,004 likes and several comments. One of the comments is from Tim’s Ghost: It says “seriously dude?” and has only 4 likes. Tim: I can’t believe that fucking worked.
Comments ( )

Our Favorite Pieces of Internet: Caldwell Tanner's Choice
How to Draw a Picture-Perfect Horse in 7 Easy Steps
Choose Your Own Adventure: Trial of the Tired
Our Favorite Pieces of Internet: Alex Watt's Choice
Choosing the Right Pair of Sunglasses for Your Level of Cool
How to Tweet Like an NBA Player

Your Stupid, Your Wrong, and Your an Idiot
The Loser's Guide to Looking Like You're Having Fun at Concerts
Inquisitive George Visits a Hospital
7 Arrested Development Themed Cocktails
Almost Reading
The Troll
Humor Us
TLDNR
Regret Everything
The Graphic Truth
CollegeHumor Interview
Twidiots