Tenure Review for Fictional Teachers

by Julie Shain on June 26, 2012

12 >

Submit an Article

More By Julie Shain

View Profile

Article The 7 Types of High School P.E. Teachers

Article Harry Potter and the Very Awkward Introductions

Article Children's Cartoons Are Just Depressing

Article Hopeless High School Lesson Plan: Voting 101

Article Facebook Gives Away 6 Famous Spoilers

+250,000 views

Article Collateral Damage

Tenure Review for Fictional Teachers

By

Julie Shain

- Tenure Review for Fictional Teachers

Teacher: Ms. Frizzle

Tenure: Accepted / Denied

Comments: Teacher whimsically determines field trips based on her attire and habitually abandons students in impossibly dire circumstances; probable drug possession.

Teacher: Ms. Edmunds

Tenure: Accepted / Denied

Comments: Music teacher has taken a student out on a romantic date, propelling a jealous classmate to hurdle to her death.

Teacher: Professor Oak

Tenure: Accepted / Denied

Comments: Professor responsible for perpetuating animal abuse has manipulated a student into completing all the necessary research for his postdoc; student has gone missing, lives in forests, has become obsessive and abusive under professor’s watch.

Teacher: Mrs. Donovan

Tenure: Accepted /Denied

Comments: Impersonal teacher makes whale-calls at students. Unintelligible.

Teacher: Master Yoda

Tenure: Accepted /Denied

Comments: Teacher far beyond retirement age attempts to instill incorrect grammar in students.

Teacher: Ms. Honey

Tenure: Accepted /Denied

Comments: Overly attentive teacher has kidnapped charming little girl by pressuring her parents into signing adoption papers.

Teacher: Professor Dumbledore

Tenure: Accepted /Denied

Comments: Professor runs a shockingly unsafe institution in which the evil and the talentless are segregated from the go-getters in a non-academic setting, and the security guards are notoriously demented.

Status change: Accepted /Denied

Comments: No homophobe.

Comments ()