How to Get All the Bitches at the Beach (Page 5)

How to Get All the Bitches at the Beach - Image 1

Alex Watt is on Twitter, Tumblr and an ego trip.

How to Get All the Beaches -1.) Get Your Ship Sailin’ -Image: Guy sitting on the couch watching one of those Frankie Avalon/Annete Funicello beach movies (I’m partial to Beach Blanket Bingo) or Baywatch. -Put your junk in some trunks. -Image: Guy putting on a bathing suit. -Shout out to a homie for that good ride. -Image: Guy calling someone. -Get your sculpt on. -Image: Guy working out. -Get your sculpt on. -Image: Guy sculpting his body hair into something really douchey, like an arrow pointing to his crotch. -2.) Undress to Impress -Pop that shirt off right quick. -Image: Guy taking his shirt off (shirt should say something lame like “Hung 10”) -Dock the ‘block for some tanning oil. -Peep the selection. -Image: Guy peering over sunglasses at bodacious babes. -Enab’ a babe to rub that ish in. -Get to flexin’ -Image: Guy running towards the water while covering his erection in a way that makes it look like he’s flexing. -3.) Just the Dip -Make sho’ it’s been at least an hour since you last munched some piff nom noms. -Image: Guy with an erection sprinting into the water. -Proceed with dummy caution until you can take that water’s safety to the bank. -Image: Guy diving or belly flopping into really shallow or disgusting water. -Find a “ride ‘til I die” swimming buddy with an eye on the tide. -Image: Guy standing waist-deep in the water with a jellyfish on his head. -Get your swell on (or Wave around) -Image: Guy getting bombarded by a wave. -Paddle around and show the bathin’ biddies love. -Image: Guy standing waist-deep in the water with two jellyfish on his head. Girl pointing at his head in horror. -4.) Spin Some ‘Skin -Scout out where all the ballers is at. -Image: Guy approaching a father and son having a football catch. -Let them fools know that you got game. -Image: Guy diving in front of the son to intercept the ball. -Get the ladies buzzin’ ‘bout your physical prowess. -Image: Two attractive women look on disgusted as the now crying son draws the attention of his mother. -Act like it ain’t no thang. -Image: Guy punting ball into the water. -Leave them wanting more. -Image: Everyone glaring at the guy and pointing to the ball in the water. -5.) Rescue it Up -Assess the sitch. -Bust a bravery nut in fear’s eye. -Save the day like cash mon-ey. -Image: Guy deep in the ocean holding the football. -Get others in on that ill satisfaction. -Image: Guy escorted out of the water by lifeguards. -Enjoy dat hero’s welcome. -Image: Crowd cheering as the lifeguard hoists the football over his head. -Assess the asses. -Image: Everyone walking away from the guy. -6.) Surf’s Down -Say Aloe to Your Herbal Friend -Image: Guy sitting at home severely sunburned.

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