Ah, College

"Vitamin who?"



Every once in a while I'll happen upon a news article about a change in dietary recommendations. Apparently, a lot has been happening since my ninth grade health/sex education class. What happened to just following the food pyramid? Okay, so I wasn't doing that right either, but at least I understood what guidelines I was purposely not following.



I just got into a nutrition course, and it turns out I was right. Health has changed a lot from five years ago. About the only thing in health that remains the same is that most of the guys still laugh when the teacher says "penis." Heh. Penis.



As it turns out, I should have taken the class back when I was a freshman. Taking it as a junior is a bit too late. I'm just now being informed that my dietary choices have been wrong for the past two years. Adding insult to injury, I'm also just now learning the scientific names of the things that are wrong with me because of my bad choices.



I probably would've been a lot happier not taking the class at all. It seems like whenever I learn something new, it just makes me unhappy. Which is the "official reason" for why I don't make it to that class very often. I also don't go to astronomy, because I imagine it would be equally upsetting.



Unfortunately, my school requires all students to take three credits in health or physical activities. I chose to take one three-credit health course instead of two 1.5-credit gym-type classes. Ironically, I'll be spending the next fifteen weeks learning how essential the physical activity I'm avoiding really is.



I'm not afraid of physical activity, but this was a matter of good time management. Going to one class instead of two takes exactly half the time. Which will probably drop as low as one-fourth of the time when you consider how many days I actually plan on making it there.



Anyway, I prefer evaluation on knowledge of facts rather than evaluation on skill. I'd feel no sense of achievement in a jogging class. How do you evaluate that? Are there multiple classes to teach us how to alternate our feet? Are there midterms?



Though honestly, I'm much more afraid of the shame of failing a jogging class somehow.



In any case, as bad as the nutrition class started off, it's really teaching me some good stuff, too. For instance, did you know that if you don't eat your first meal until after noon, you'll feel sluggish and tired because of "low blood sugar?" Not that I plan to correct this dietary problem. But it's nice to know I have a way to get out of work that won't make me look lazy.



"Matt, can you help me with the dishes?"



"Ow! My glucose!"



The very best thing, though, is that I've discovered that I am a medical miracle. Apparently, there's this list of essential nutrients you have to eat. Without any random one for about three months, you will die. As far as my nutrient intake goes, let's just say I'm glad that I'm pretty sure one of those vitamins comes from the sun.



Since I figured that out, going to class has been kind of fun. Because every class I walk in not dead, it proves that everything my professor says is a lie. From now on, I think I'll stroll in every day, do a little dance, then say, "Ha ha! Still alive!"



Now, if you'll excuse me. I'd like to go on, but my blood sugar is…well, I think you see where I'm headed with this.