So the first day of the NCAA basketball tourney has come and gone. With the exception of Dick Vitale's absolutely grating voice, which makes me want to pull a Van Gogh, I absolutely love March Madness. Best sporting event of the year, hands down. Yesterday's first round action, though, was somewhat disappointing: 13 of 16 higher-seeded teams won. Where were the shocks? The upsets? The questionable calls? The cliffhangers? The unpredictability? The drama? The" you see where I'm going with this. The first season of the OC was pretty much vintage NCAA action: a complete and utter crapshoot filled with bracket-busters (Oliver), Cinderella stories (Luke's transformation from shithead to lovable oaf) and Big Dance crashers (Ryan Atwood at every single formal party). The second season thus far, on the other hand, has been like yesterday: substandard, nothing truly out of the ordinary, and duds instead of potential "shocks" (Winthrop vs. Gonzaga=lesbianism).



But there's a ton of basketball yet to be played, just as there are 10-some-odd episodes left in the season. I haven't given up hope yet. And this week's show was a pretty satisfying. Not "watching Coach K bitch and moan to the refs as Duke loses in the Final Four" satisfying, but at least on par with your basic 11 over 6-seed upset. Yes, I know that if you don't follow the Tournament, these analogies don't really make any sense, and you've probably stopped reading by now. Please come back next week. But for know, it's 2am and I'm running with this gimmick, dammnit. Without further ado, here are the six most intriguing match-ups from this past episode:



1) Alex vs. Ryan: Alex, Alex, Alex, my dear lesbiatron. You have so much to learn about the art of face-exploding. Most importantly, don't roll up to a pep rally with muscle dressed like a couple of ironic hipster douchebags. You think those jackasses scared Ryan? Dude is straight out of Chino, for chrissake. By the way, OC writers""would it have pained you to have Ryan drop both of "'em, just for old time's sake? We're getting restless. And it's not like you don't know this, given the exchange between Ryan and Seth at the beginning of the show on whether "last year" really was better, or if it had just been glorified on account of its new-ness. Well played guys, but last year really was better. Edge: Ryan.



2) The First Black Person on the OC, I Think, EVER vs. The Racial Straightjacket that is Prime-Time Television: Around the 45-minute mark, let the record show that an unremarkable looking black female made OC history by becoming the first character of color to have a non-skeezy speaking role (sorry, DJ, but you weren't really breaking down any cultural stereotypes by playing a Mexican lawn boy). To be honest, I get a fair number of emails bemoaning the lack of minorities on the OC. You know what? Stop bitching. It's a show predicated on watching attractive rich white people do attractive rich white things, like attend Winter Galas and build bonfires for water polo players and futz around on sailboats. Throwing black people into the mix just for the sake of throwing black people into the mix reeks of liberal white guilt. UPN exists for a reason. Edge: push.



3) Marissa and Ryan vs. Fate, Played, for this Performance Only by Seth Cohen: Evidently feeling he wasn't homo-Jew enough, Seth decided to become an outright, matchmaking Yenta by facilitating the return of "Ryan and Marissa: Season One." I've already asserted my heterosexuality by talking about basketball for 300 words, so I'll say it: adorable. Edge: Fate/Seth Cohen.



4) The Pixies vs. Whatever Flavor of the Week Band was Featured: This whole "let's pick a different band off the weekly CMJ top-ten albums list to make the youth of America feel all indie hip" thing is starting to wear on me. Are that many people out there actually buying the OC compilation CD? Well, given the fact that we are now up to volume 293 of "Now That's What I call Music," probably so. Whatevs. Edge, by a wide margin: Pixies.



5) Kirsten vs. Drunken Magazine Editor Guy: Granted, this guy brings waaaay more to the table than She Who Shall Not Be Named (henceforth abbreviated SWSNBN). Case in point: Kirsten: "This is a chance to be subversive and irreverent." Carter: "I'd rather be drunk." You gotta respect that. Plus, as noted in #4, he has good taste in music, unlike SWSNBN, who tried to seduce Sandy to the Allman Brothers or some such crap. That said, I'll stand by my previous claim: there is no conceivable way that Kirsten will cheat on Sandy. My "perfect wife" fantasy depends on me believing this wholeheartedly. What I do think we will see is Sandy, in a rare display of alpha-male rage, beating some ass to defend his territory. Call it a hunch. Edge: push, for now.



6) Julie Cooper vs. Her Sordid Past: This little sub-plot cracks me up. First off, Julie's always given off this "I'm dirty in the sack, bitches" vibe, and, well, kudos to her for capitalizing on it. Second, Lance is a straight scumbag. You can't really go wrong on a show like this with a jacked, tattooed who bangs hookers. While Julie's excuse for dabbling in the flesh trade is somewhat week ("It was the 80s"""sorry, darling, that covers coke and big hair, not porn), Caleb bringing in the hired help next week to "make Lance understand" could be the highlight of the season.



About next week: I'm out of the country, and won't be filing a column. Bad timing, what with Ryan's brother getting out of jail and all, but unavoidable. Till the week after next.



Neel.Shah@dartmouth.edu, for all you bitches who never write.