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Things Doctors Say And What They Really Mean
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- What seems to be the problem?
        - What's the reason you'll be giving me $500?

- Sleep it off.
        - This is the part where you try to get me to prescribe you Ambien.

- Call me in the morning.
        - Call me only if you are literally about to die.

- What's your diet like?
        - List the first 5 healthy foods that pop into your head.

- How much exercise do you get a week?
        - This won't factor into my diagnosis at all. You just look like you need to be shamed.

- Does this hurt?
        -Hahahahaha, I bet it does.

- You'll start seeing effects in a few months
        - I'm pretty sure these pills don't work at all

- See me at 2.
         -See me at 3:25, as long as you arrived at 2 promptly.

- Don't take more than two a day.
        - Take five if you forgot to call your dealer this weekend.

- I'll need to take a closer look.
        - You're leaving here feeling violated and embarrassed.

- Are you up to date on all your shots?
        - Do you care in the slightest about being up to date on all your shots?

- It's just a sprain.
        - Stop being such a wuss.

-Take off your pants.
-If you thought your were getting through this exam feeling like an adult, think again.

-I'm going to write you a referral to a specialist.
-This appointment was a waste of time.

-You have a $55 copay.
-Pay $55 now and spend the next three months receiving bills for things that don't make sense.
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