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What You're Saying With Your Picture Face
By
Hallie Cantor
Kissy face :: I’m annoying. Kissing someone else on the cheek :: I found someone who doesn’t mind that I’m annoying. Nice smile :: I’m boring. Closed mouth smile :: I’m boring and I have bad teeth. Yawn :: I’m so boring I am actually putting myself to sleep. Surprised face :: I’m surprised by how little time I had to think of a cool face. Deadpan :: If I don’t make a facial expression, no one can make fun of me. Tongue out :: My favorite band has at least one “z” in its name. Silly face (pulling sides of lips out) :: I was really popular in middle school. Eyebrows raised to look cool :: I was really popular in high school. Scary teeth baring :: I was really popular in reform school. Drunk face :: I’m drunk. Super drunk face :: I’m trying to look drunk. Twisted mouth :: I am uncomfortable in my own skin. Looking off into distance :: My Facebook cover photo is of me on a mountain. Blinking :: I slept in my contacts last night. You as a child :: I peaked at 5. Self-taken mirror myspace picture :: I delete more than half the photos I’m tagged in on Facebook. You with everyone else’s face blurred/cropped out :: My friends are either way more or way less attractive than me. You, instagrammed :: I own a ukelele and practice it in secret. You in a photobooth pic :: I am lonely. You in that infrared mac photobooth effect :: I am lonely in 2003. A video fauxtograph :: One of my friends is an asshole.
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