Everyone's talking about this Ryan Lochte guy. Full disclosure: I have zero idea who this clown is, but he doesn't sound so great to me. Why, here are some random activities I can probably school him in lol! ;-)

• Making the perfect grilled cheese sandwich

• Most card games

• NBA Jam for Sega Genesis

• Trivia

• Backstroke

• Breaststroke

• Swimming

• Competitive swimming

• Going fast in water

• Competitive water sports (including swimming)

• Any activity that takes place in a pool

• Having muscles associated with the act of swimming

• The men's 200m freestyle

• Propelling myself forward through a body of liquid

• Being an athlete who specializes in swimming

• The men's 400m individual medley

• Being one of the fastest swimmers on the planet

• Operating my body in the water with the kind of speed and precision that only comes with a lifetime of training

• Controlling my breathing while swimming

• Beating Michael Phelps at swimming

• Knowing the perfect amount of corn chips to serve with a grilled cheese sandwich

• Being a winner