by Tom Philip on August 22, 2012

Girls

5. Sexy Underwear

It's a real turn on to put an effort into looking good, even if only one other person will ever know. Unless you're at one of those SUPER fun parties.

4. Funniness

A good sense of humor is an absolute essential. It shows you're confident in your intelligence, comfortable in your social ability, and like all the same TV I like.

3. Eyes

Swooping in for the bronze (remember the Olympics?!) is eyes. Eyes come in many shapes, sizes, and colours. They're like the doughnuts of physical attributes, and make the top 3 on that merit alone. Everyone likes doughnuts. Just about as much as they like airtight analogies. Which is a lot.

2. Butts

The fact butts can be so very, very gross is a testament to their insistent sexiness. Thanks for never giving up, butts.

1. Boobs

Since forever, mankind has debated the advantages and disadvantages to every variety of boob and every single point on the vast, sprawling boob spectrum. It's a frustrating and endless argument. Having them isn't so great either. They get in the way, they require armor, and one swift knock to them is enough to ruin your life for several hours. Despite all this, they're the best of the best when it comes to being sexy.

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