Orientation Week 2012 / 25 Things You Say to Your New Roommate, And What You Really Mean

by Hallie Cantor on August 29, 2012

Are you thinking youll take a lot of early classes

I got one of those whiteboards for our door

I do some drugs but Im not gonna go crazy or anything

My girlfriend might come visit sometimes

Were you able to get your hands on a microwave

<1 2 34

Submit an Article

More By Hallie Cantor

View Profile

Article 13 Things You'll Learn During the First Week of College

+250,000 views

Article Starting Fresh, Making Friendz and Getting Your D Moist

Article Top or Bottom Bunk: The Most Important Decision of Your First Three Minutes of College

Article The Sexile (Poster) Contract

Article Guide to Being Cool in College

Article 25 Phrases You'll Hear When You Go Out, and What They Really Mean

+1,000,000 views

25 Things You Say to Your New Roommate, And What You Really Mean

By

You seem cool!
You seem not terrifying.

I think I saw you in the Facebook group for our class.
I’ve carefully memorized the name of everyone in our class.

We’re gonna party so hard this year.
I’m gonna follow you to parties this year.

I hope the rest of our hall is cool.
I hope the rest of our hall thinks I’m cool.

Add me on Facebook so we can start figuring stuff out.
Add me on Facebook so I can meticulously analyze each and every photo and wall post on your page.

I love the Beatles too.
We have nothing in common.

Are you bringing a microwave?
I’m not bringing a microwave.

I’ll bring a toaster!
You should bring the microwave.

I was gonna room with my friend, but he didn’t get in.
I didn’t have any friends in high school.

My friend’s school started a month ago and he has the worst roommate stories.
I didn’t have any friends in high school.

I can’t wait to get there already!
I didn’t have any friends in high school.

Let’s share a mini-fridge.
Let’s have silent passive-aggressive battles about whose milk is whose.

I’m cool with sharing.
I’m cool with using all your stuff.

You can pick your side of the room.
You can pick which side of the room I secretly jerk off on and which side I openly jerk off on.

I’m pretty neat.
I’ll pretend to be neat for the first month.

I’m kind of messy.
I’m horrifyingly disgusting.

I’ll make sure to pack my 4 consoles and 8 controllers.
I’ll make sure no girls come in our room all year.

Are you thinking you’ll take a lot of early classes?
Are you thinking you’ll make me wake up early and want to kill you?

I got one of those whiteboards for our door.
I’m expecting college to be exactly like Saved by the Bell: The College Years.

I do some drugs but I’m not gonna go crazy or anything.
I’m gonna go crazy.

My mom’s really gonna miss me.
I’m really gonna miss my mom.

My girlfriend might come visit sometimes.
I’m not gay.

Do you have a girlfriend?
Are you gay?

Or a boyfriend?
Really, I’m cool with it if you’re gay.

Were you able to get your hands on a microwave?
Seriously, you better bring the fucking microwave.

Comments ()