"Staff Jokes - September 7, 2012" by CH Staff

Putting away the tank tops and pulling out the knit beanies is the hipster version of not wearing white after Labor Day
— Saj Pothiawala (@sajpo) September 4, 2012

"Time Heals All Wounds" sounds like a nice expression, until you realize it's just a real cutesy way to say "Death is the Ultimate Cure."
— H. Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) September 6, 2012

I just genuinely said to myself: "Big year for avocados!" Then I burst into uncontrollable tears.
— Patrick Cassels (@patrick_cassels) August 31, 2012

I wouldn't say I'm in love with Chipotle burritos, but I definitely have sex with them.
— Brian Murphy (@chmurph) September 6, 2012

This weekend is the TV equinox where the seasons fade from Breaking Bad to Doctor Who.
— Jeff Rubin (@JeffRubinShow) September 3, 2012

jerry seinfeld notices he got another groupon email. "whats the deal with that…" he chuckles to himself. he does this 6 times every day.
— Andrew Bridgman (@AndyBridgman) August 28, 2012

85% of murder victims are dead.
— Kevin Corrigan (@kevincorrigan) September 3, 2012

Every Carmen Sandiego case was thrown out immediately when a judge learned how prominently "Favorite Foods" factored into the investigations
— Dan Hopper (@DanHopp) September 6, 2012

Overheard at airport: Pilot 1: "Randy's at the tipping point…" Pilot 2: "Smith or Powell?" Yikes y'all.
— Hesley Harps (@HesleyHarps) September 2, 2012

The movie National Treasure should have been about Nicolas Cage stealing himself, because he IS ONE!!
— Adam Conover(@adamconover) September 5, 2012

"Buried 2" – Just 90 min of puppies. A narrator reminds you Ryan Reynolds is still buried in a box somewhere. Feel-good movie of the summer.
— Owen Parsons (@owenBparsons) August 23, 2012

The craziest thing about Breaking Bad's hiatus before the final 8 episodes is that Hank is taking a year-long shit
— Dan Gurewitch (@DanGurewitch) September 5, 2012

If the next National Treasure film isn't about Nicolas Cage trying to steal Taylor Swift, I'm going to be so pissed.
— mah ree nah (@marinarachael) August 29, 2012

I keep thinking my phone is vibrating, only to realize it's just shuddering at the thought of someone trying to contact me.
— Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) August 30, 2012

Really nice of Steve Martin and Fabio to lend Katey Sagal parts of their faces for the second half of her career.
— Jesse Eisemann (@eisemann) August 27, 2012