People You Hate XXXIII
It's been so long since we've had a chance to spread the hate around. For those of you new to the game, it's very simple: you send me you hate, I put it here and the rest, as they say, is history. You can check out all the hate coming in at The Famous Hate List and send me your stuff at Streeter@streeterseidell.com, just make sure to include your name, school and whether or not you'd like to be added to my subscriber list. Also, swing by StreeterSeidell.com if you've got a minute. Now, let's get to it.
Crab Walkers The sidewalk is a crowded place and I don't have time for your side-stepping shenanigans. This isn't a fucking country line dance, you fat shit, so stop swerving back and forth like a drunk redneck. When you walk down the street pick a goddamned line to walk in and follow it. It's not that difficult: left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, etc. How am I ever supposed to get past you swaying ass if you keep walking to the left, then right, then left again? You've got twelve people stuck behind you like a drunk driver on the highway that everyone's afraid to try to pass. Learn how to walk like a grown up or go back to riding around on your daddy's shoulders, you dumb fucks I Hate You!
Marty the Movie Man I like the movies a lot: I like the popcorn, the excitement, the greasy film that seems to cover your face after watching a long one. I even like the occasional funny comment during the previews, but man, when that movie comes on, shut the fuck up. I'm not talking about the "oh no he didn't's," I made my peace with them a long time ago. I'm talking about the people who are quieter in their expressions at the movies: "Oh wow, that's gotta hurt," "honey, look at how realistic those dinosaurs are," and "This scene reminds me of that one in "Big," remember? With the piano? No?" Sir, if you wouldn't mind, could you please hold your useless, moronic, annoying observations till the end of the film? Your fat wife doesn't seem to enjoy them and the rest of us, well, we know the mansion in the film is "bigger than hell" so you don't need to inform us every time it comes on the screen. If there's any justice in this world you'll burn in hell for all eternity and the devil will let me sit next to him saying, "Jeeeeeeeez, that doesn't look like a good time," "Wowie, look at the blisters on that guy," and "Yikes, turn him over, I think he's done" I Hate You!
Dan L. from University Albany: I'm sure I don't stand alone when I say how much I hate the complete homosexuals who feel the need to post 1 or more pictures of themselves shirt free on facebook. Granted facebook is a complete waste of time and nothing more than legal internet stalking of some hot freshman girls that you can "poke"(not saying I am not a member), I still feel you have a responsibility to not be a complete douche bag. Is it a complete necessity to show the entire student population on your campus that you go to the gym 6 times a week to "get cut". One of the few (and by few I mean few only relating to this subject) other things that annoys me worse than that picture of you at the beach sans your shirt, is the one of you in your dorm room with your camera on a 10 second timer flexing. Everybody knows that you would have no friends, except maybe ones as gay as you, that would take a picture of you flexing and not think you were a complete tool. So CONGRADULATIONS you are muscular and the entire facebook community knows and probably respects you a lot less for blatantly showing them, granted you could maybe kick my ass that does not change the fact that you think you are cool because you have muscles and feel the need to show the world via facebook and/or your overly tight AX shirt that you wear to the crappy bars around your college.
David V. from Texas A&M: I hate all the idiots in movies who try to look like badasses by wearing sunglasses inside or at night. OK we get it your cool, you have a sword/shotgun/etc. and you like to kill shit. There's no fucking reason for your dumbass to be wearing sunglasses at night or inside. It makes you look like a douchebag. The most notable example that I can think of is the "badass" in Scarface that gives Al Pacino a shotgun to the back. At night, WITH SUNGLASSES ON. No wonder he has to shoot him in the back like a pussy. He probably spent 5 minutes trying to see who he was looking at through those dark lenses. Take off the sunglasses you douchebag!!
Dan from Michigan State: I hate all the Non-Smoking Nazis in this country. I'm okay with bans on smoking in public buildings and such; I can go outside, no big deal. But then you assholes come out of the building and bitch at me because I'm smoking near where you want to walk. Don't come at me with your idiot complaints and remarks. Next time you come up to me and tell me "That really smells great, thanks a lot.", and then look at me like I'm the scum of the earth for fouling up your air, I'm just going to say "You're welcome.", and then blow a big puff of smoke right in your ugly, self-righteous face. Are you honestly complaining about having to deal with a mildly offensive odor for a brief period of time, or do you somehow believe that the tiny amount of smoke you inhale as you pass by is going to kill you? I know smoking causes cancer and all, but the amount of smoke you manage to inhale before the wind blows the rest away will, in your entire lifetime, add up to like two cigarettes, at most. And if you don't want to deal with second hand smoke in a restaurant or bar, then you choose a non-smoking venue, you don't have to make it so every bar and restaurant is non-smoking by law; I like a cigarette with my beer damn it! Why the bloody fuck should non-smokers get every bar in town? And don't walk up to me on the street and tell me how unhealthy it is. I have that information already, and if it didn't keep me from buying my first pack, how the hell do you think it's going make me stop. I like my deadly carcinogens, thank you, and I'll quit when I fucking feel like it.
Jamie B. from the University of Redlands: I hate the fucking assholes who recline all throughout an 8 hour flight. As soon as the plane is going down the runway you shove your seat as far back as it can go and sit there with your headrest shoved into my face. Then you proceed to sit there reading your shitty book or listening to shitty music turned up so loud that I can hear it. You never actually sleep, but make lots of groaning noises and yawn a lot. How do I know this? Because I am actually sitting halfway upright and your stupid ass is lying on your seat like it's a bed. If you really need to recline this much buy a seat in first class you stupid fuck. Oh how I wish I could make your seat snap back to its upright position and catapult your douchebag head into the seat in front of you. You don't even put your seat upright during meals you fucking cunt rag, when the flight attendant asks you to you groan and slowly put your seat halfway up, once she leaves you put it back down, at least not all the way so you can still reach your food, but your headrest is fucking smashed into my food you asshat. Then when the meal is gone I jam my knees into your seat so you cant fucking recline into my lap again and you fucking bang the seat backwards to try and get it to recline. Fuck you stupid fucking douche nozzle you fucking piece of shit, next time I have to sit behind one of you fuckers I'm going to switch seats with a little baby who will cry and kick the back of your seat the whole time. How about that, asshole? Think about that as you lie back in your seat, making the person behind you consider the best way to stab you in the head with the flimsy plastic knife on the meal tray. I really fucking hate you!!!
Amanda K. from Pitt: I hate the fuckers who refuse to spend money on soda at restaurants and ask for a water cup instead but then still get sodayou have screwed us all over. I don't drink soda, I actually get the water. But due to you lying cheap-ass bastards, I have to get a cup about the size of a thimble for my water. I want a big fucking glass. But no, I am forced to drink out of something that might as well be my little sister's Barbie's glass because the stores need a way to manage people like you. Please start paying the fucking 2 bucks, get the damn soda, and let me get a big glass; I'm thirsty!
Katie Y. from New York: I hate people who think they're 'ghetto.' First off, ghetto is not an adjective. And also, if you have to be bragging about how ghetto you are, you probably aren't very ghetto at all. My school is a fabulous example of this. I go to school in wonderful Westchester, NY, preppy-people capital of America. And they all think they're black. These are white Jewish kids from Westchester who think that exercise is walking the whole block to the Starbucks, wearing not one but TWO pop-collar pastel polo shirts and talking on their Sidekick the whole time. And they think they're ghetto. It drives me insane. You know who you are.
Kyle I. from the working world: Gotti-boy wannabe: You can always find this asshole at a bar downtown that he thinks is trendy, he will be wearing his Armani exchange shirt that he bought off of ebay and his fake diamond studs in his ear. But you can always tell this asshole by his haircut, the blow out, he apparently enjoys looking like sonic the hedge hog. He usually has been on way to much steroids and tans entirely way too much. Now I am not against guys trying to make themselves look good but good lord take yourself out of the oven and look in the mirror you are officially a douche and I HATE YOU.
That's all the hate for now, but make sure to send yours in to Streeter@Streeter@streeterseidell.com Swing by StreeterSeidell.com and The Famous Hate List for more of that complaining you love oh so much.
People You Hate XXXIII