What I Said:
What I Meant:
What I Said:
What I Meant:
What I Said:
What I Meant:
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Match.com: What I Emailed You VS. What I Actually Meant
By
Dan Haddad
What I wrote Subject Line: Hi! Hey, I'm Dan! I saw that you were a "closet-country music lover" haha. I can totally relate. I just moved here from Chicago after going to college in Indiana where I totally got exposed to everything country. VERY glad to know that there are country lovers on the left coast. I was wondering since you are from LA, if you might be willing to show me around a little bit, no pressure! I've been here for a couple weeks after moving out here for work and am still trying to get my bearings around LA. It's a lot different from the Chicago 'burbs, but I think I'm going to love it. Getting used to the differences a little bit, like the west coast time delay on top of the time delay for the Olympics :) I'd love to hear back from you. Take care! Dan What I really meant Subject Line: Just like… read this, okay? Hi, I’m Dan. Did you notice right away that I mentioned something that I read in your profile? How awesome am I for immediately mentioning something we had in common? Here’s another sentence further driving home the point because we really don’t have that much in common. Hey I’m new here and don’t really want anything too serious right away. You should show me around and then I can pay you with a nice dinner at a moderately-priced Yelp approved restaurant. If I’m lucky maybe I’ll get a dry handy when I drop you off. Hey current events! Please I’m Horny! Dan What I wrote Subject Line: Werewolf Bar Mitzvah Spooky Scary So I'm not going to lie, I found you searching for "30 Rock" on here haha. I'm Dan, I just moved here from Chicago starting at a job downtown. I don't exactly know the scene around here either. Obscure movie and TV references are my primary form of communication. I only use :), ;), and :P before judging myself entirely and then just accepting the fact that I used it. I'd love to hear more about you! Thanks for reading! Dan What I really meant Subject Line: Hey, I 30 Rock Too Hey so I’m not going to lie, I searched for 30 Rock, because I’m terrified that I'll date someone who doesn’t like the critically acclaimed but ratings deprived cult-hit whose main character I hope you slightly are like. We both just moved here, so you probably don’t know that Café Gratitude is a terrible place to go on a first date. Who says you’re even going to go on this date? You’re out of my league. You’re hot and are looking for someone “athletic and toned.” I’m listed as “about average” even though I’m really “a few extra pounds.” Let me remind you that I’m cool by distracting you with the obscure references I hope you actually make that you said you do in your profile. I’m normal. I swear. Please respond. I can’t play anymore Words with Friends. Dan What I wrote Subject Line: Friends Don't Let Friends Karaoke Unless it's going to be hilarious. Hi I'm Dan. I'm new to the area and I'm looking forward to meeting new people. I'm originally from the Chicago area. I also love to travel. I spent six weeks in Italy this summer and absolutely loved it! I love watching football and basketball. I'm a huge Chicago fan! I think its so cool that you have a fantasy team! Not typical of many girls, I like it haha. I'd love to get to know you a little bit beyond your profile. Feel free to shoot me an email or look at my page. It was great writing to you! Dan What I really meant What do you mean, Karaoke kicks A$$ Seamless transition! Here’s my name! You don’t seem too different from any of the other girls on here so I’m just going to mention my name and that I’m not from around here. Humble brag about my abroad experience. Does this make you more into me? It won’t but it’s the best I got. Wait you like sports enough that you have a fantasy football team? Which one was your picture again? Holy God Holy God Holy God. You are attractive. Ok. That’s…ehm…that’s chill. Please for the love of Christ email me back. Look at my page. I just want to be seen with you. Anywhere. I will take you literally anywhere. We can go to the nicest place in LA. I’ll get back to you once I look up what that is on Yelp. But in the mean time…Olive Garden? Have all the breadsticks you want. I won’t judge you. It was a miracle that I was able to find you. This is exhausting. I can’t think of a flirty salutation. I just used the word "salutation" in its proper context. I need a drink. Dan
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