Still haven't decided on my Halloween costume, waiting to see what tragic celebrity deaths happen over the next month.

— Jeff Rubin (@JeffRubinShow) September 20, 2012

I basically always just want to go to bed so that I can wake up and eat breakfast.

— H. Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) September 15, 2012

Mitt Romney is a robot built entirely out of hundreds of other robots' self-destruct buttons

— Dan Gurewitch (@DanGurewitch) September 18, 2012

I wish there was a more passive aggressive alternative to the FB Like button. My life demands an "oh, okay. cool." button.

— mah ree nah (@marinarachael) September 19, 2012

Every time Mitt Romney accidentally types "Rmoney" he thinks, "Ha ha! That's my rap name."

— Adam Conover(@adamconover) September 20, 2012

"Where we're going, we don't need roads!" – iOS 6 Maps

— Dan Hopper (@DanHopp) September 20, 2012

I just can't understand either of these candidates' campaign strategies. If you want to capture the youth vote, try out for American Idol.

— Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) September 17, 2012

I'd love to start playing tennis, but I can't find a white skirt that fits me.

— Kevin Corrigan (@kevincorrigan) September 20, 2012

men arent from mars, women arent from venus. everyone is from vaginas. who taught you about babies?

— Andrew Bridgman (@AndyBridgman) September 21, 2012

Needed for new rapper: 1 shirt to throw over right shoulder, 1 water bottle.

— Patrick Cassels (@patrick_cassels) September 16, 2012

The Lorax speaks for the trees but the Snorlax speaks for the zzZzZ's CAN I GET AN AMEN.

— Brian Murphy (@chmurph) September 19, 2012