Still haven't decided on my Halloween costume, waiting to see what tragic celebrity deaths happen over the next month.
Jeff Rubin (@JeffRubinShow) September 20, 2012
I basically always just want to go to bed so that I can wake up and eat breakfast.
H. Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) September 15, 2012
Mitt Romney is a robot built entirely out of hundreds of other robots' self-destruct buttons
Dan Gurewitch (@DanGurewitch) September 18, 2012
I wish there was a more passive aggressive alternative to the FB Like button. My life demands an "oh, okay. cool." button.
mah ree nah (@marinarachael) September 19, 2012
Every time Mitt Romney accidentally types "Rmoney" he thinks, "Ha ha! That's my rap name."
Adam Conover(@adamconover) September 20, 2012
"Where we're going, we don't need roads!" iOS 6 Maps
Dan Hopper (@DanHopp) September 20, 2012
I just can't understand either of these candidates' campaign strategies. If you want to capture the youth vote, try out for American Idol.
Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) September 17, 2012
I'd love to start playing tennis, but I can't find a white skirt that fits me.
Kevin Corrigan (@kevincorrigan) September 20, 2012
men arent from mars, women arent from venus. everyone is from vaginas. who taught you about babies?
Andrew Bridgman (@AndyBridgman) September 21, 2012
Needed for new rapper: 1 shirt to throw over right shoulder, 1 water bottle.
Patrick Cassels (@patrick_cassels) September 16, 2012
The Lorax speaks for the trees but the Snorlax speaks for the zzZzZ's CAN I GET AN AMEN.
Brian Murphy (@chmurph) September 19, 2012
The "This Is The End" Guys Really, REALLY Just Want To Be Liked
Meet Me at Facebook
That's My Butt

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