I love how overdramatic people are being. In Post-Storm "New Earth" where fresh water is a myth, that shit will not fly.

— Amir Blumenfeld (@jakeandamir) October 28, 2012

Hey ladies, just a reminder to take the batteries out of your vibrator and put them back into your flashlight. #hurricanesandy

— mah ree nah (@marinarachael) October 29, 2012

Hurricane Prep Tips: Be sure to fill your bathtub with water and your body with mallomars and cheap whiskey. #handysandyfacts

— H. Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) October 28, 2012

Every College Republican remembers the day he got his first bow tie.

— Mike Trapp (@MikeWTrapp) October 26, 2012

This "Star Wars 7" crap makes the only un-ruined part of my childhood "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" (dir. Ron Howard).

— Alex Schmidt (@AlexSchmidty) October 30, 2012

For Halloween tonight I'm going as Dude In Mesh Pants With Spotty Internet.

— Dan Boo! Hopper (@DanHopp) October 31, 2012

Sometimes I think my dog knows what I'm thinking. And then she licks her own ass and I KNOW she knows what I'm thinking: "dogs are gross"

— Streeter Seidell (@streetseidell) October 25, 2012

Jenga's a great game because there's no winners, only a loser.

— Jeff Rubin (@JeffRubinShow) November 1, 2012

A fun thing to do 5 min before a hurricane hits is to go on your roof, raise your arms to the sky, and start chanting in Latin real loud

— Dan Gurewitch (@DanGurewitch) October 28, 2012

I'd be a lot more worried about a hurricane ruining my Halloween if it were named after my stepdad.

— Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) October 26, 2012

the pen is mightier than the sword. the weak, terrible sword made out of bubbles and cotton candy. what blacksmith made this horrible thing

— Andrew Pilgrimdgman (@AndyBridgman) October 26, 2012

I think an "X-Acto knife" becomes an "Approxo knife" the minute you start mindlessly stabbing a drifter with it.

— Wiseguy Pictures (@WiseguyPictures) October 3, 2012