The Next Big Thing: The Sexual Resume

Behold, the Sexual Resume! It would be similar to a normal job application except you would be hooked up to a polygraph while you filled it out so you would have to tell the truth, unlike regular ones (74 words per minute, my ass). It might look a little somethin’ like this…

Last name: _______________

First name: __________
Cell number: () ___-__

Are you of age 18 or older? Y / N (circle one)

Have you ever had sex with me before? Y / N (circle one); if Yes, when? //__

Have you ever had sex with anyone related to me before? Y / N (circle one); if Yes, when? //__

Have you ever been diagnosed with a Sexually Transmitted Disease? Y / N (circle one); the existence of a diagnosed STD will not constitute an automatic disqualification from this encounter.

Please list your last three sexual encounters, starting with the most recent: _______________________________________
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Number of total partners: With opposite sex: _____; With same sex: _____

Previous partners’ approximate orgasm rate: _ %

Average duration of sexual encounters: _ minute(s)

Do you expect me to go downtown? Y / N (circle one)

Can I expect you to go downtown? Y / N (circle one)

Do you: Spit / Swallow (circle one)

What position(s) are you applying for? _____________________

Please list any special skills/techniques you think make you a good candidate for this encounter: ____________________________________

Do you have a reliable source of transportation? Y / N (circle one)

Are you available on holidays? Y / N (circle one)

Males: Length: _____ inches

Females: Boobies: _ A / B / C / D / DD (circle one)
Implants / Natural (circle one)

Would you prefer cuddling afterwards? Y / N (circle one)

Would you prefer to spend the night? Y / N (circle one)

Would you consider future encounters? Y / N (circle one)



I, _______________, hereby consent to engaging in sexual intercourse with ___________ and understand that the act will be mutual. I also understand that this encounter will be confidental unless stated otherwise in writing by both parties.

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Signature

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Today’s Date