Dear consumers,

I regret to inform you that this product is neither dependable nor consistently plugged in. Who keeps unplugging it? Not me.

After prompt installation by my interweb facebook guru son, Jake, I expected such a nice looking device to produce sensational results. Boy, was I wrong! After asking Jakey, the tech genius, how to select a photo of our dogs he stormed out of the room. I don't know why. I only asked him 3 or 8 times.

Already, this printer has put a wedge between me and my child. Strike 1.

Left to my own devices, literally, I set out to enter the word "print" into the Google. I wasn't even past entering the letter "P" before the machine showed me a list of phrases beginning with the word "pussy," "penis." "pussypenis," or something called "P big tits." I had to take a break I was so disgusted.

Upon returning to the computer room, I cleared my head and worked on my novel. Its a slow, meandering, 3,000 page love story about a strong woman who finds strength through love and love through strength. Much like my last inkjet, this one didn't seem all too excited about printing for me, either.

I double checked everything:

• a green light was on somewhere, CHECK
• circuit breakers were intact in the basement, CHECK
• 3,000 pieces of paper were forcibly loaded into the feeder, CHECK

And guess what?!? Nothing! So I did what anyone else would do! I clicked PRINT PREVIEW another twenty times, unplugged everything in the room, and then plugged it all back in.

Lo and behold it started printing out stuff my old printer had refused months earlier! Photos from Cape Cod, a cheesecake recipe for a birthday on Cape Cod, directions to Cape Cod. NEWSFLASH MR. DESKJET, I DON'T NEED THESE BECAUSE WE ALREADY WENT TO CAPE COD AND IT WAS MAGICAL!

This must be some setting that makes your new machine try to atone for the shortcomings of it's predecessor. Jake said something about a print queue with 457 items in it.

I give this one a resounding F-.

Sincerely,
Jake's Mom



Stock photos from Shutterstock