The Graphic Truth / The Later It Gets On New Year's Eve
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The Later It Gets On New Year's Eve
By
Hallie Cantor
Balls dropped – zero for entire night, with big ball-dropping spike at midnight Chances you’ll find someone to kiss at midnight – starts high and goes down to 0 by midnight Amount you can tolerate ryan seacrest – starts low, goes down into negative territory around 11pm How drunk you are – steadily increases till 5 am, then drops abruptly to 0 How hungover you are – picks up where drunk left off, increases New years resolutions broken – starts inching up after midnight how stupid your 2013 sunglasses look – constant high Dick clark jokes made – increases steadily until it reaches heaven where dick clark is looking down on us saying “It’s okay, I hate Ryan Seacrest too.”
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