How to Snag all the Snow Bunnies on the Slopes

by Alex Watt and Caldwell Tanner on January 11, 2013

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How to Snag all the Snow Bunnies on the Slopes

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From the author of “How to Get All the Bitches”

"How to Snag all the Snow Bunnies on the Ski Slopes"

A Player’s Guide
by Professor Romeo von Sexhaver

1. Gettin’ Your Gear Shifted (Green Circle)

-Realize it’s time to carve some powder.
-Image: Guy looking into closet.

-Put yourself in some thermal threads.
-Image: Guy putting on thermals.

-Get covered in a swagvalanche of dope duds.
-Image: Guy putting on ridiculous snow suit.

-Goggle your oglers.
-Image: Guy putting on ridiculous snow goggles.

-Helmet your thought pit.
-Image: Guy putting on ridiculous helmet.

-Take it all off so you can go rid some ‘quid.
-Image: Guy peeing. All his clothes are scattered around the bathroom.

2. Go 2 da Snow (Blue Square)

-Get made with some sharp blades
image: guy trying to put on a pair of skis and almost losing his balance.

- Strut Your Stuff
image: guy awkwardly walking to the ski-lift while children laugh at him. He makes a path of diagonal ski tracks as he walks.

- Trap a bunny in the hot seat
Image: guy trying to sit down next to a girl on the ski lift, but getting a ski stuck.

- Show her that you like to get lifted
Image: guy falling off the ski lift.

3. Aww Ski-Ski or Snowboard (Black Diamond)

-Toke up on that mean green.
-Image: Guy smoking weed at the top of a slope labeled “Baby Bunny Slope”

-Say ‘halo’ to your snow angel friend.
-Image: A ski patrol lady yelling at the guy. He looks startled.

-Beg for a SnowJob
-Image: Guy hiding joint and nervously making excuses to ski patrol girl.

- Start 2 Flee so she’ll crave da ‘D.
-Image: Close-up of guy’s face as he zooms away.

- Ride ‘dat Good Feeling
-Image: Reveal guy is on back of a snowmobile. He is handcuffed and looks pumped to be riding with the Snow Patrol Girl

4. Warmin’ on Up (Double Black Diamond)
-Get a fire rip roarin’.
-Image: Guy making fire even bigger with lighter fluid (everyone seated near it looks angry).

-Call chumps out if they’re borin’.
-Image: Guy butting into conversation between cool, buff skier and a babe.

-Come closer to scorin’.
-Image: buff dude is just slapping his arm away as he tries to wrap it around the girl here.

5. Lodgin’ the Lodge with Ladies (Triple Black Diamond)

-Brag about your time in the powder.
-Image: Guy talking to babes about how good he boarded that day (maybe we can draw it in a speech bubble).

-Brag about holdin’ some powder.
-Image: Guy talking to babes about having cocaine, people crowd around.

-Offer chill babes a taste of your chowder.
-Image: Guy getting dragged out of the lodge and beaten up by the snow patrol lady again.

6. Let it blow, let it blow, let it blow. (Red Broken Heart)

-It’s all uphill from here.
-Image: Guy crying in bed, blowing his nose. Nex to him is a picture of the snow patrol lady.

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