If Alcohol Had Mascots Like Cereal

by Alex Watt on January 24, 2013

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If Alcohol Had Mascots Like Cereal

By

Alex Watt

-Regular Beer (Budweiser)
	-Uncle Bud
		-Bald fat Clydesdale horse with a mustache, and polo shirt tucked into sweatpants on a recliner.
		-Slogan: “Hey, sport. How about another Bud for your Uncle Bud?”

-Light Beer (Bud Light)
	-Fresh Man
		-A freshman trying way too hard to seem cool (upside down visor, cologne, chain).
		-Slogan: “I gotta get mad slops!”

-Malt Liquor (Olde English)
	-Chip
		-An actual Cheap Skate.
		-Slogan: “You don't need funds to have fun!"

-Vodka (Smirnoff)*
	-OverBear
		-A Russian bear wearing cheesy club clothing.
		-Slogan: “DRINK IT!”

-Tequila (Jose Cuervo)
	-Jose el Tigre
		-A very drunk Tony the Tiger wearing a sombrero.
		-Slogan: “You know what? You’re grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!”

-Whiskey (Jameson)*
	-Saddy the Writer
		-A sad writer-type (maybe a dog)--like Hemingway--in front of a computer watching Netflix.
		-Slogan: “Good ‘til the last episode you watch as ‘inspiration!’”


-Wine (could look like any brand)
	-Gray Ape
		-A gray ape with one of those French mustaches, he should look very romantic and suave.
		-Slogan: “Hoo-ho-merlot!”

-Rum (Bacardi)*
	-Party Bat
		-A party bat (blind, but still cool).
		-Slogan: “You don’t need sight to party all night!”

-Gin (Beefeater)
	-Great Aunt Geraldine
		-A cranky elderly badger widow.
		-Slogan: “Tastes like you’re deceased husband is still in the room!”

-Caffeinated Gasoline (FourLOKO)
	-Jack S. Donkey
		-A flaming donkey on rollerblades.
		-Slogan: “I’m crazy for this sweet rocket fuel gravy!”

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