1. Randomly decide that one Conference sucks and keep picking against them.

Example: "The Pac-10 is totally overrated. Arizona, UCLA and Oregon aren't going anywhere. Neither's Gonzaga. Wait, are they in the Pac-10? Whatever, it's rainy and mild there, I'm counting it."

2. Pick against one school for arbitrary personal reasons.

Example: "Screw Georgetown. That school rejected me plus I didn't want to go there anyway 'cause their campus was all stupid and goth-looking. Buncha losers, they might lose in the First Round."

3. Overrate one team that looked good when you watched them for 10 minutes in December.

Example: "You know, I watched New Mexico play USC a little while ago and I'll tell you, that team is legit. They got some guy, his name's like… something with a J in it — I saw that dude hit two Threes when I was kinda looking up at the screen at a bar during a work drinks thing. Might put 'em in my Final Four."

4. Pick one completely random giant upset then panic at the last minute and put the Favorite back in.

Example: "You know what? I think Duke's going down. I really do. They're a little overrated every year, and one high seed always loses before the Sweet Sixteen, and I'm not gonna win this pool unless I do something a little bold, so yeah, I'm doing it, I'm PICKING DUKE TO LOSE!" [3 Minutes Pass] "Hey, here's my bracket. Also, this one spot, where there's a giant scribble and an arrow to the margin? That says 'Duke,' I'm picking Duke. Thanks."

5. Google the results of the last 10 Championship Games to help you decide on a "Total Points" tiebreaker, even though you'll be hilariously out of the pool by then.

Example: "Oooh, I was only off by 6 points in my tiebreaker! If three of the Four Final Four teams had been different, I probably would've won this thing."

6. Throw some 10 and 11 seeds into Round 2, just make them the correct ones. How hard can that be?

Example: "Some of these 5 and 6 seeds have to lose, I mean that's just sciencemath, but WHO? I don't know…this one, this one and this one? Cool. Now my bracket's niiiiice and varied. See how knowledgeable I am? I have a bunch of numbers in places."

7. Keep tabs on your bracket by putting giant checkmarks by the picks you got right, including the 1-over-16 games, to build up your confidence.

Example: "OH YEAH! Michigan over Alcorn State! Lemme just put a check mark by this, and a "+1 Point" marker, and a little smiley face, and I'll turn that smiley face into a hot cartoon girl with a speech bubble saying "ooooh you're so good at picking, cutie!" and she's handing me a little ice cream cone. So far my bracket's doing REALLY well."

8. MOST IMPORTANT TIP OF ALL: Do everything exactly the same way you did it last year when you also didn't win.

Example: "Two One-Seeds, a Two-Seed and a traditionally good team that's a Four-Seed this year in the Final Four, then a One-Seed over a Two-Seed in the Final. Sooo, how am I gonna spend my $360 winnings this year? AHHH Dammit, the Four-Seed just lost. I hate these pools, they're all just stupid luck."

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