I don't get it. I don't get a lot of things, but this one I really don't get. Who puts 911 on speed dial? I mean, come on! How hard is it to dial 911? 9…1…1…that's it. If you have it on speed dial then you have to hit "memory"…and then you have to remember what speed dial number it is.

Let's look deeper into this issue, shall we? In order to fully appreciate the stupidity involved let's role play. Come on, you know you want to. For the sake of time I will play all parts.

Caller: Oh no, those kids are probably drinking at that party across the street! I should call the authorities. Let's see here…Speed dial…what number did I save it under? Surely, it's one…

(Phone rings)

Callee: Hello?

Caller: Mom?

Callee: Shmookums?

Caller: Sorry mom. I called you by accident.

Callee: Well, how was your day, darling?

Caller: Can't talk mom, trying to stop underage drinking.

(hangs up)

Caller: Okay. Let's try Speed dial two.

(phone rings)

Callee: Hello?

Caller: Hello, 911?

Callee: Who is this? Is this some sort of joke?

Caller: Hello, is this 911?

Callee: Look here you frickin kids, stop calling this frickin number! I'm tired of your fricken phone calls. It's not frickin funny. Now shove off you a-holes!

Caller: Pastor Mark?

Callee: Ned?

Caller: Sorry, I called you by accident.

Callee: Sorry about the langua…(hangs up)

Caller: It's got to be three…

(phone rings)

Callee: Hello? (loud music in the background)

Caller: Hello, 911? I'd like to report a complaint against my neighbor. They're throwing some sort of party and I think underage drinking is involved.

Callee: (to a friend) Hey dude, your neighbor's on the phone and he's trying to call the cops….tell him what?…oh, okay…(to the caller)…Hey dude, Mike says that if you call the cops on us he'll tell your wife about Jackie.

Caller: Sorry. Wrong number.

All that trouble could have been avoided by not having 911 on speed dial. It's just plain stupid. I don't know how else to put it. Having 911 on speed dial is about as useful as a dog that walks backwards. You just don't need it.