An Open Letter to Mark Zuckerberg, Founder Facebook.com, from a New Yorker Fact Checker

Dear Mr. Zuckerberg,

After checking many of the profiles on your website, I feel it is my duty to inform you that there are some serious errors present.

Stacey Hessinger’s profile claims she is married to Elizabeth Kreuter, a member of her sorority. This statement is false. A word search for Ms. Hessinger’s name informs us that she is in a steady relationship with one Terrence Penn, and has been for quite some time. Also, Ms. Hessinger’s profile contains some spelling errors; “hott,” “rawk,” and “kewl” are the three that jump out at me immediately. Perhaps your editors missed those.

Ted Lynch’s profile alleges that he is currently employed at “Doin’ Jack Shit Industries.” A Google search turned up no results for such a company. Mr. Lynch’s profile picture is also inaccurate. The photo appears to be of Sean Connery wearing a cowboy hat. After consulting Mr. Lynch’s high-school yearbook (Fairfield High, in Fairfield, Connecticut, Class of 2005), I can assure you that he does not resemble Mr. Connery in the slightest, and, after interviewing some of his acquaintances, I have learned that his personal opinion regarding cowboy hats is that they are for “cattle fuckers,” a group to which, I am told, Mr. Lynch does not belong. I could provide you with an accurate image of Mr. Lynch if you need one to correct this error.

Moving on, Lindsey Johansen has posted a favorite quote reading, “Hey monkey, where you be at?” However, she fails to attribute the quote to an author or specific work. Even more troubling is that a Factiva.com search produced no such phrase in any newspaper or magazine. Are you aware of the source of this quotation?

Perhaps most troubling is a profile for a student named Patrick Bateman. His profile picture features the smiling face of an older man spattered in blood. Even more disturbing is discovering, upon further reading in his profile, that his interests include “murders and executions” and “The Talking Heads.” Also, Mr. Bateman lists his birth year as 1964 yet claims to be a junior at Seton Hall University. Something is amiss with this profile. I have tried to contact Mr. Bateman for an explanation through his listed Instant Messenger screen name, “deeznutz6969,” only to find that Mr. Bateman is currently “kickin’ it at the Cape for the weekend w/ da fam. Leave one.” I will keep you updated as this develops.

Some shorter notes:

William McNulty lists his middle name as “The Power” when, in truth, it is Jonathan.

Sarah Tenner belongs to a group named “Uncle Roy Touched Me In My Special Place” even though none of her maternal or paternal uncles are named Roy according to Genealogy.com.

Naj Rashid’s profile features a picture of him drinking alcohol, which is illegal considering his listed birth year of 1987.

Blake Barnett lists “Ted Licks Ass” as a favorite movie yet IMDB.com returns no results for a film of that name. Perhaps it was an independent release?

Judith Nell’s profile lists her hometown as “-ChItOwN BaBy!-,” which, as far as I can determine through a thorough atlas search, is not a city or town anywhere in the world.

Finally, Tara Hamilton claims that she is interested in “men” yet a photograph in the album titled “Get Crunk Nigga!” contains an image of her kissing another woman, or, as she puts it, “Me and Chrissy love up on each other when were [sic] drunk!!!11”

I hope you use this information to correct some of the errors I have found on your website. I understand your website has become quite popular, which is why I take such an interest in maintaining the integrity of the information within. Please write back when the abovementioned errors have been corrected.

Sincerely,
Streeter Seidell