
TALKING POINT: An anti-porn group has issued a panicked warning to parents that the Wii can be used to access porn. The horror! Just how crazy are these people?
Jeff: But they’re right? You can get porn on a Wii?
Robert: Well yeah, but just about every Internet-enabled device is a portal to pornography.
Jeff: Wait a second – there’s porn on the Internet?
Robert: Exactly. News flash, there’s porn out there and it’s coming to eat your children!
Jeff: If I wanted to see something racy when I was a kid, I had to beat Super Mario World and wait until the Princess kissed Mario. He would blush. I thought that was sex until I was 16.
Robert: I think I’ve been watching some kind of porn ever since I was in elementary school, and look how well I turned out! The devil has yet to take over my body, thankfully.
Jeff: How did kids find porn before the Internet and cable?
Robert: By going to their parents’ bedroom?
Jeff: I asked my dad one, but he hit me.
Robert: Dads can be so cruel.
Robert: I’m not a huge fan of playing the classics, but out of them all I enjoyed Smash TV the most – especially with online play. I actually prefer the originals that come to XBLA – games like Geometry Wars and the like. The only one I ever play on Virtual Console is Bomberman.
Jeff: Does that support online play?
Robert: No, it doesn’t.
Jeff: Well why the hell not?
Robert: None of the Virtual Console games are upgraded or enhanced in any way. Nintendo is here to make money, not give added value to their customers.
Jeff: I understand that they don’t want to mess with the classics, but we’re not talking about giving the Smash TV contestants walkie-talkies instead of guns. Bomberman screams for online play.
Robert: It sure does, apparently Nintendo just isn’t listening.
Jeff: How much would you pay for Bomberman with perfect online multiplayer? Or Mario Kart?
Robert: I’d pay the same amount it costs right now, about $6.
Jeff: I’m thinking $400 seems like a fair price.
Robert: Nintendo just doesn’t see it as a priority. They know they can sell a ton without doing anything. It just makes business sense to them.
Jeff: Oh my god I can’t beleive you picked a cooking game! I was thinking we’d all pick something like Yoshi’s Cookie or Crash N’ the Boys Street Challenge, but Cooking Mama? What the hell is wrong with you?
Robert: I clearly have issues. Perhaps one of these Jesus groups can save me.
Jeff: I’m going with Yo! Noid for the NES.
Robert: Yikes.
Jeff: If a platform where you play as an 80’s pizza mascot on a pogo stick who hits Native American stereotypes with a yo-yo is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
Robert: Aladdin for the Genesis is pretty great. Some people might be ashamed by that.
Jeff: Depending on the company, it might be embarrassing to admit you like video games at all. Sure, you and I “get” Guitar Hero but a lot of people still look down on playing pretend guitar.
Robert: Yeah, that can also happen. Though, I like to surround myself in a safety bubble away from such haters.
Jeff: I find if you carry your Guitar Hero guitar with you everywhere you go, the bubble forms naturally.






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