"The Buck stops here!--At Old Country Buffet"

The thought to be dead TV’s “Buck Rogers”, Gil Gerard, has not heard from an agent in 15 years and has shed 140 pounds after undergoing gastric-bypass surgery. The heavyweight former TV hunk, whose former wife Connie Sellecca married, TV’s blond Herman Munster, John Tesh, weighed in at a whopping 350 pounds when doctors told him he was either morbidly obese or the long lost son of “Jake and the Fatman” star William Conrad, who oddly enough was the narrator on “Buck Rogers”. The doctors in the end ruled out the latter and suggested surgery to help him lose weight fast. The 66-year-old actor, who played Rogers on TV from 1979 to 1981, agreed to let the extremely low rated Discovery Health cable channel cameras follow his operations and subsequent progress. Not only was this the “biggest roll” Gerard has had in years but the documented surgery proved to be the most shocking ever caught on tape. Two hours into the surgery doctors pulled out two enormous masses from Gerard’s stomach. After analyzing, one mass appeared to be Gary Coleman and the other to be the costume for Twiki, both costars on episodes of “Buck Rogers”. In response to the doctor’s findings Gerard said, “I honestly thought that Twiki was on of those chocolates wrapped in tin foil and as for Gary Coleman, I honestly thought no one would notice. After winning his battle with the bulge in just seven months, the actor says, “I don’t miss that guy, I really don’t.” Just after that statement Gerard was seen eating a Quad Stacker from Burger King. Out of nowhere, Pal Bill Clinton joined Gerard for part of the Discovery special. Clinton’s scenes were subsequently deleted from the program because Clinton thought that he and Gerard were going to watch doctors implant triple DD breast implants into strippers. Clinton was caught on tape saying to Gerard, “Listen buddy, I have to witness my wife’s face lifts. I can’t imagine looking at your fat belly get cut open. My advice is have a couple heart attacks. It helped me lose weight.”