Conversation With A Broke Roommate

Oh hey, how you doing, bud? Ah, tight on money again. It’s really crazy how you have five grand from the summer, you’re doing work-study, and you’re still broke. Really says something about our economy. Honestly, I’m shocked that that kind of money wouldn’t support an $800-a-week spending habit.

You’re out of meal blocks by Wednesday, too? One thing’s for sure – the fact that you have nine grilled chicken sandwiches on Mondays has nothing to do with it. Who could blame you – they have a wicked amount of protein. Which reminds me – about that hundred bucks for your NITRO-TECH protein… I was thinking that perhaps you could buy the $40 generic protein. Well, I guess you’re right – your brand probably is 27 times more powerful than that generic slop — I mean, look at the guy on the label. He’s so buff! You certainly have a point when you say that you are saving $1,040 every time you buy it, and I can’t argue that the “bitches go wild for it.” It’s scientifically proven.

Honestly, I would like to give you the cash, but you stopped paying the five dollars a week you owed me for those sweet $200 Bose computer speakers. Oh, I didn’t realize that you threw them out when you couldn’t find an outlet for them. Why should you have to pay me if they’re gone?

Also, I noticed that you haven’t paid for damages to our door or for any of my belongings that were stolen when it was broken. You’re right, of course – I certainly can’t blame you for drunkenly slamming a moving cart into it. The door was, in all fairness, acting like a total dick that night. This is probably a stupid idea, but maybe you should hire a lawyer to draft you some bankruptcy papers. Just like the Wheel of Fortune! Actually, I’d have to pay the retainer, wouldn’t I? I’ll tell you what. I’ll stop by the court house, pick up the papers, and we can fill ‘em out together. Great. Well, I’ll see you later after you get back from the tanning salon.