# Things That Piss Me Off: Nightclubs

I still can't get the logic of going to nightclubs all the time. It's like people are saying, let's pay an obscene amount of money to listen to obscenely loud music, but obscenely priced drinks to get obscenely drunk, then leave, hopefully with a girl who looked hot in the club, but is, in actuality, ugly. Obscenely ugly. But we'll do it in an exclusive place, right?

I don't get why covers have to be so expensive. I mean, come on, \$50? \$100? I'm not paying that much. But people wait for like 45 minutes at 3 AM to pay that amount of money. It's not like they don't make enough money. Let's say an average of three drinks per person, \$10 each, that's \$30 per person. Let's say 200 people come throughout the night. That's \$6000. But that's not enough, apparently. No, you have to make every one of those 200 people pay a cover to even be ALLOWED to pay for the drinks. At, say, \$20 each, that's another \$4000. Isn't \$10,000 enough? Nope. Higher covers throughout the night. The higher covers, I guess, offset the money the club loses when they serve free drinks for a full half hour. And in return, you get to get drunk and return home with blue balls.

So you go into the club, and the music just blasts you in the face. I honestly almost got knocked over by the sound waves a couple of times. You're supposed to hit on people with music this loud? I can barely even hear them. I lose my voice in half an hour. I'm just gonna put questions on notecards and flash them to people. "How's it going?" "Want to dance?" et cetera. That'll save my voice.

Then there's the dance floor. Is it just me, or is the amount of time a person spends on the dance floor indirectly proportional to that person's skill? One guy was flailing his arms around and nailed me in the face. He didn't even apologize, but that's OK, he was too drunk to string two words together, anyway. Plus, you have to dance by yourself all the time, because every time you see a hot girl, another guy just comes up and starts grinding his genitals into her. It's like nonconsensual dancing.

Screw nightclubs. They annoy the hell out of me. But, being a guy, I will still go in an effort to get some. What? That makes me a hypocrite? I can't hear you. The music's too loud.
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