A Conversation Between a Publicist and a Struggling Writer.

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Publicist:

Alright Mr. Stu Ruggling, let me hear your pitch.

Writer: Okay, uh, haha, um, er, hey, hi, hello, how are you today? I hope you’re good, eh, I mean, well, as in I hope you’re doing well today.

P: I am doing well, thank you. What have you got for me?

W: Uh, er, okay. It’s a story about a guy who has been studying magic and wants to put on his first show, so he-

P: You’re losing me, Mr. Ruggling. Where does the interest in magic come from? Who is he studying with? Why does he feel now is the time for a show?

W: Okay, okay, he’s studying under… Paul Lortermanis, and his interest comes from… increased prices of paperback books, and he feels like now is the perfect time because he… needs to remember to pick up the kids from daycare

P: Paul Lortermanis is my name, and those other things you just read off notes on my desk. You have no idea what this story is about, do you?

W: Well, uh, yes, I do, in the sense that I… don’t.

P: You’re just making this all up as you go along…

W: I’ve been taking these improv classes, I, y’know, figured I’d give it a shot

P: It’s not working.

W: Yeah, I thought that too.

P: …do you have anything for me that is on paper?

W: Um… yes. (rummages through pocket) Here.

P: This is a receipt from Denny’s.

W: It’s something on paper.

P: Enough of this messing around. Do you have a product for me or not?

W: Yes I do.

P: Okay, let me hear it, and this is your last chance. You’re wasting my time.

W: Okay it’s a epic tale about a fisherman. He grew up on a lobster boat with his father, who was an old salt himself, and his mother, who would be the glue holding the family together.

P: Okay, I’m following.

W: As he was growing up, his father would always tell him that he would be proud of his son no matter what. So when the son is all grown up, his goal was to be just like his father, but nothing he can do makes him feel adequate. So he sets out to catch the largest lobster he can.

P: Hmmm, if there’s a hook in here somewhere, we may have something.

W: Okay, here it comes. He assembles a rag-tag group of guys to be his crew, and they set off to the deep blue looking for a legendary giant lobster. But what he doesn’t know is that one of his crewmembers is the son of his father’s nemesis.

P: I assume you’ll tie up the loose ends.

W: Yeah, sure.So they go out to sea and see a giant whale named…Joby Flick.

P: You’re improvising again, aren’t you?

W: Yes.

P: What’s the name of this story?

W: Joe White and the seven… crewmembers.

P: Leave.

Leaving.