Just Pick Up The Goddamn Phone

I don’t feel like spending twenty minutes typing out an answer to texts like these:

• where do u want 2 be in 10 yrs?
  
  
• are u at the bar yet? compare it 2 another bar.
  
  
• ratify consti2tion: process?
  
  
• y r u pressing “decline” when I call?
  
  
• lost my copy of new rolling stone. txt me yrs?
  
  
• childhood: remmbr?
  
  
• pick up bud or bud light? where? why? WHY?
  
  
• honest thoughts: ppl on welfare
  
  
• it’s over btwn us. how are we going 2 split our stock prtflios?
  
  
• iran: how 2 deal?
  
  
• omg! hey, that reminds me. what r yr thoughts on organized religion?
  
  
• mayflwer. colonies. then what?
  
  
• Hey, I’m texting you from my computer. This is weird, but I can remember all the lyrics to “Love Will Tear Us Apart Again” but not the melody. Can you text it? Please don’t call.