Back in the good old days, it was near impossible to get famous. The only way I could have got famous growing upwas to either go to Orlando Florida in hopes of being on double dare, being interviewed by the local news for my tae kwon do skills (true story), or photocopying a picture of myself and stapling it to any free space the city let me.

But these days, it's become too easy to be famous!What with Blogspot, Youtube and Myspace, it's not hard at all! I mean think about it, you are reading my blog, and I am a nobody. I work at Lowes. Lowes! Yet when I get home and start plugging away at the ol' interactive picture box, I'm a star!

Okay, maybe not a star, but you're reading my inner thoughts. You shouldn't really give two shits about my opinion, but there you sit, still reading.

Stop it.

Seriously. Stop it.

Fuck. Fine, since you won't leave me the hell alone, let me give you some tips on becoming an internet celebrity. There are several ways I you can go about this, but these seem to be the most popular:

1.) Join Blogger.com, steal pictures from any paparrazzi website, and write all over them with your witty, pink, super gay commentary. Make sure you are sporting a faux-hawk whilst typing anduse trendy internet buzzwords like "LOL" and "OMFG", this will not only boost your ego but tell the celebrity you are zeroed in on "Hey, I know you make millions a year, but I can draw all over that face of yours!" That will teach them who's boss!

2.) You and a few of your frat bro-skies can borrow your girlfriend's camcorder she got for free at the last beastie boys concert, aquire a bottle of alcohol (rubbing, grain, or methanol, no big dif which), and a lighter and have at it. Once you pass out from smoke inhalation and wake up with third degree burns on your crotch, just know that one of your Delta Psi homies is hard at work uploading that masterpiece onto Youtube, Collegehumor, Myspace, and Uselessjunk! Enjoy your newly found stardom my friend!

3.) Okay ladies, this one is for you. This has to be the easiest way to get famous. Be naked and be smiling. That's all! If you can do that you're on your way to becoming an internet superstar! I know what you're thinking. Porn? Nope. I mean you can if you want to, but I'm not suggesting that at all. All you need to do is take some classy nudes of yourself, naked and smiling (don't forget smiling, it makes your adoring fans think you actually ENJOY being naked at all times and distracts them from your crippling self loathing and daddy isses). Now take those pictures and submit them to any website who will take them, make one of your more seductive (but smiley) photos your default pic, and then write something really cheesy like "I love animals, going to school, and I love guys who play World of Warcraft all day. They can cast a +5 love enchantment on me any day." We all know it's a lie, but as men, we don't care. We are just happy to see you don't go for the muscle ridden jock jerk that used to kick our asses in highschool. C'mon baby, let us dream, even though we know you'll begoing down onsome frat boy named Brent before the sun sets. We forgive you.

So there you have it folks, those are the three most popular ways to become a cheap internet superstar. We know you are studying for finals in hopes of one day doing something with that generic "communications" degree, but let's face it, studying is hard! You don't have time for that hogwash!

So saddle up and follow these steps, and we'll be seeing your face all over Al Gore's famed invention: The Internet.