105% Issue #11

This date in history: March 26, 1953.

Less Notable Decisions of King Solomon

Peasant 1: This is my loaf of bread!
Peasant 2: No, it is mine!
King Solomon: I will cut the loaf in two, and you shall each get half.
Peasant 2: Seems fair.
Peasant 1: I agree.

-Kiernan Schmitt

The only people who don't pick their nose are liars.

-M. Corbelle

Statements from the Un-racist Racist

If Mexicans are supposedly so lazy, how come I always see them hard at work, selling fruit on the highway off-ramp?

-Streeter Seidell

Sports Announcers Who Don’t Quite Get It

“Ohio State went on a 92 to 76 point run to end the game”

-Mike Krall

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
~Shakesperian Rapist

-Kunal Shah

Sandwiches at the Jerry Maguire Deli

Show Me the Salami
You Complete Meat
You Had Me at Hero

-Sam Reich

"Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" Spin-off Ideas

-Are You Taller Than a 9-year-old?
-Are You Stronger Than a Woman?
-Man vs. Baby

-Jeff Rubin

Stubborn Bully Who Sticks to his Principles Even During a School Shooting

What are you doing, retard? You think I give a crap about your gay ass gun? Watch out, you almost got that grenade in your eye make-up, you scrawny freak.

-Amir B.

I'm not too picky about the girls I date, but i just won't go out with a girl with skin issues. One time my friend Tim tried to hook me up with a girl with acne scars. This other time I got set up with a girl who was black.

-Tom Sunnergren