Oh porn, thou savior of the Internet,
Thy worthiness be known
Thou giv'st us all the love we crave
In the comfort of our homes.

Thy diversity unparalleled,
Innovation unmatched,
No fetish goes unsatisfied,
From straight sex to Rugrats.

Thy prices, too, quite reason'ble,
For those willing to pay,
And for those not, lo, what we can find
O'er the course of a trying day.

And so we sit here, dicks in hand,
Whiling away the hours
As thou show'st us pictures on our screens
That would make our parents cower.

Though our grades will take a hit,
We choose to bear that brunt,
If it means one last glorious peek
at Jenna Jameson's… eyes.