1. Now that those scientific whores took away my Pluto where am I supposed to wish I lived?!

2. Sam I Am has a really gay nightclub named after and under him.

3. I made a wish upon a star and 30 bad things happened in a row.

4. They blew up the Bridge to Terabithia because the Japanese wanted to use it.

5. Goldilocks met Red Riding Hood, and, well, they're in bed with the picnic basket.

6. It turned out that the telescope wasn't broken, I just had it pointed at a brick wall.

7. Bald guys are mad at the Moon because it came too close and ripped off their hair.

8. The aliens who crashed at Roswell all took the form of Greg Kinnear.

9. Once we extinct the clouds there's nothing left to do but panic and kill.

10. Hitler used the satellite "Sputnik" to escape to Mars, where he constructed a cage to catch both Bizarro and Bizarro World.