The Thought Process Behind Eating an Entire Bag of Doritos

1 – Ok well I’m hungry, but dinner isn’t for a couple hours. Sooo I guess I’ll eat some Doritos to pass the time? I’ll just have a couple. I don’t really even like them that much.

2 – Dammmn these are good. I should stop now so I don’t ruin my appetite. (Closes bag. Looks at bag. Reopens bag.) Ok, just a few more, these are really freaking good. Look! LOOK my fingers are orange! If that’s not a reason to keep eating, I don’t know WHAT is.

3 - Holy sh*t, I already ate half the bag? I wasn’t even paying attention, I was just sitting on the couch watching reruns of Full House. Oh NICE, this is the one where Joey takes Stephanie to a mother-daughter sleepover…

4 – …and I can’t beLIEVE he didn’t drop that egg while wearing high heels. Wait, wait, WAIT. What the hell. Did I seriously just eat this many chips? There are only like 20 left! (Pause. Frowns.) I mean, they ARE pretty good. I guess since I’ve made it this far, a few more won’t hurt, right?

5 – Ok ok ok ok ok ok. Ok. I’m so full. (Looks down into bag.) There are literally 6 chips left. Oh man, I can count them just by looking, that’s how few there are. If I close the bag now, I’ll just be annoyed with the lack of chips when I open it later. And I don’t want to waste any food. Just, come on. Come on. Finish it.

6 – K. Dinner time?