I. Am. So. Bored.

Man, I’m bored as hell. Like, I was looking forward to yesterday for so long and I’m pumped for tomorrow, but dude, today is B.O.R.I.N.G. I guess it sounds weird to say I was looking forward to getting betrayed by my best friend, viciously beaten, nailed to a cross, stabbed in the ribs and dying, but I did it out of love. Plus, I get to come back to tomorrow and really, really shake things up.

Man, they’re gonna be so surprised.

But for real, this cave is a major drag. It’s freaking cold, too. I’m the Son of God, you think they’d at least get me a tomb with some southern exposure or something. I’m nipping like crazy in here. Maybe I’ll come back a day early? NO. No, I gotta stick to the plan. Tomorrow. AHhhh, they’re gonna freak when they see me! I bet Paul sh*ts his pants.

I need a haircut. How many more hours do I have to stay in here? 12?! This sucks.

Ugh, what is that? WHAT IS THAT?! Oh for f*cks sake, now the cave has mice. Awesome. I couldn’t be happier. What’s next, snakes? Wouldn’t that be perfect? Snakes? It smells nasty in here, too. Like – it’s not a bad smell, per se, but not a great one either. It’s like wet sand or something? Rice, maybe? I can’t put my finger on it.

Who was that guy from that place? Who was that? The cemetery guy? Ugh, this is going to bug me all day.

Why did they stab me? I mean, you’d think they would have had enough after they NAILED ME TO A CROSS! It’s like, “How many holes have we put in your body today? 3?” Apparently that’s not enough for Stabsters McGee. I mean, I love that man because, ya know, I love everyone, but enough is enough. AWW, GROSS, I can put my fingers in the hole. SICK!

I think I’m starting to get a headache. Yeah, I totally am. Crap.

What else, what else… I haven’t eaten in a while. I’m thinking I’ll try to find some berries or someth…LAZARUS! YES! That was that guy’s name. Lazarus. He was the dead guy. Awesome. I’m so happy I remembered that. It was driving me crazy. Oh man, such. A. Relief.

Yo, how much time left? Seriously? 11 hours and 58 minutes? Sh*t.