This is Gonna Be the Best Spring Break EVER

You guys ready? Everyone hit the bathroom, right? All right then, let’s pile in. Daytona Beach, here we come! This is gonna be the best spring break ever. And don’t worry about the trip. I know, Daytona’s halfway across the country, but I’m sure between us four knuckleheads the trip will be as much of a blast as those beach babes—almost!

Seriously, though, if you do get bored, there’s some literature I brought along that I really think you should check out. Just a few pamphlets, some eye-opening books. They’ve really changed the way I look at things, man. I mean, did you know we can trace our Aryan roots all the way back to the noble Nordic warrior-gods of Northern Europe? Crazy, huh?

Okay, the last rest stop for a few hours is coming up. Anyone hungry? Last chance? Okay. Wow, we’re making good time already! Now let’s just hope I don’t get us lost! … Although that’s highly unlikely: my fair-skinned Norse ancestors had a natural inclination for traveling—which was probably what helped us conquer Northern Europe, and unfortunately led to the gradual pollution of our pure blood by inferior races.

Actually, guys, we will have to make a slight detour. No biggie, really. I just have to meet with some guys from the Brotherhood in Arkansas. You’ll really like them. They’re good, pure Christians just looking to keep our beloved South free from scalawags and carpetbaggers. Oh, which reminds me, does anyone mind if I do a quick run into this Home Depot on the left and pick up 300 pounds of fertilizer and some kerosene? It’ll take ten minutes, tops. And could someone lend me their credit card? I’ll pay you back, man. I’d use my Visa if the Zionist conspirators in the government weren’t tracking my movements.

Thanks. I’ll be out before you know it, brothers. Play the radio if you get bored. The South will rise again!