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Adam Hrabik

A Day In The Life: The Dead Girl Who Kills You In Your Sleep From The MySpace Bulletins

by Adam Hrabik on

8:00 a.m. Fuck, time to get up. God, I hate mornings. Time to get some coff—oh, shit, I forgot to turn the coffee pot on last night. That probably means—shit. I didn’t wash the blood off my knife. Now it’s all crusty! Dammit. Blood is soooo gross.


9:00 a.m. Ugh, Pop-Tarts are so dry. My mom used to make me the best French toast ever!!!! That was before Daddy raped and killed me.



10:00 a.m. Oh, look, people are on MySpace. StArS & kIsSeS is reading my bulletin…come on, repost it, bitch…you’ve got seven minutes…

10:07 a.m. Dammit! Well, that’s another appointment for tonight. (Phone rings) Hello? Yeah, I know, I saw. Yes, I realize I’m supposed to be in six bedrooms at 3 in the morning, it’s not my fault the little shits won’t believe those things! What do you mean, ‘Be more believable’? Listen, bitch, I will come over there and I will cut you open! (Hangs up) Ugh, she is so annoying! I’m not actually gonna cut her, that’s just a little game we play. Moms are so much fun!

12:00 p.m. You know, it’s times like this when I wonder how I died. I mean, Daddy raped me, and then a week later, I died! WTF?! Did Mom just leave me in my room? Does Daddy have that big of a—oh. My. God I cannot believe I just said that! You don’t tell anyone I said that! Eww!

2:30 p.m. Alright, it’s 2:30 and I already have 17 appointments. God, this is hard! Why can’t another eight-year-old girl get raped to death by her father so she can help me out with this? Then we could go to the mall and hang out, it would be so much fun! But she’d probably find the boy I had a crush on when I was alive and ghost-rape him or something. What a whore! lol!

4:00 p.m. Hello? Oh, hi Daddy…….Nothin’, just hangin’ out, watching The Hills…..what? Daddy, I don’t go to school anymore. You raped and killed me, remember?……Yes, I know…….But…….Oh my God, she did? No way!……Well, I gotta get going…….Love you too, Daddy.

5:30 p.m. Well, I should probably get ready to go. Gotta put my makeup on…I know, right? A dead girl, wearing makeup! L-O-L!

7:00 p.m. (Doorbell rings) Now, who the f is at the door this hour? (Opens door, stabs trick-or-treaters in the heart) Take that, you little shits! Oh, great, now their mom’s coming over here. What, bitch? You want something? Here, take your stupid kids’ bodies! (Slams door) Parents are so overprotective anymore!

8:00 p.m. Dirty babe, you see the shackles, baby I’m your slave, I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave, it’s just that no one makes me feel this way…Take ‘em to the chorus…Come here girl, go ahead, be gone with it. Come to the back, go ahead, be gone with it…

9:30 p.m. OMG, people! The bulletin is fucking true! Why do you keep ignoring it?! This is gonna be a long night.

11:00 p.m. Well, time to get going. I have 682 stops to make, and I have to walk!!! Ugh! I wish Daddy would buy me a Land Rover.

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Adam Hrabik

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Whiny inmate

I worked at a prison as a corrections officer (prison guard) and there was a particular inmate there who always complained about everything. For three months I endured his rants on how the lights were too bright, the rooms too hot, the blankets too scratchy, and so on. Obviously this is prison and no one gets luxury accommodations. I reached the end of my rope one morning... Read More » when I had to go down the run and wake him up at 7 AM for transport somewhere else in the state for a medical procedure. The guy is all grumpy, complaining about how I'm getting him up at the "ass crack of dawn." He demanded to be allowed time to take a shower, heat and drink some coffee and have a smoke. The van taking him away was already waiting for him and I knew for a fact that he'd taken a shower before going to bed the night before. I told him there wasn't time for any of that, he just had to get dressed and get to the van. He begins swearing and ranting about how inhumanely we were treating him and after months of his complaints I couldn't hold it in anymore. "I know, it sucks how early you have to get up to get your free medical care, huh?" I told him. He was immediately silent . He got dressed and left in a huff. I later found out how he wrote a grievance to the warden about my comment. Inmate complaints are occasionally reason for worry, so I was nervous when the warden called me in to his office. It turned out he just thought my comment was hilarious and told me to keep up the good work.