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The Girl in Leggings

I do not know when this fashion did start,
But the girl who wears leggings has stolen my heart.
These skin-tight pants are anything but,
Some may say they make a lady look like a slut.

Generally worn with large, oversized sunglasses,
Leggings show off fat girls big, beautiful asses.
And as their skin jiggles and the cellulite shows through,
It is leggings that have made my love be so true.

Their panty line is flawless, I can see each and every frill,
Everytime I see a girl in leggings, I always go in for the kill.
But most beloved of all about leggings, is the fabled camel-toe;
The loose vagina’s skin is the sure sign of a ho.

If you are unfamiliar with my love you must not be from the Northeast,
You should come by some time because you are surely in for a treat.
And if you ever find yourself equally as enamored,
Check how much you’ve had to drink, because you must surely be hammered.


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Whiny inmate

I worked at a prison as a corrections officer (prison guard) and there was a particular inmate there who always complained about everything. For three months I endured his rants on how the lights were too bright, the rooms too hot, the blankets too scratchy, and so on. Obviously this is prison and no one gets luxury accommodations. I reached the end of my rope one morning... Read More » when I had to go down the run and wake him up at 7 AM for transport somewhere else in the state for a medical procedure. The guy is all grumpy, complaining about how I'm getting him up at the "ass crack of dawn." He demanded to be allowed time to take a shower, heat and drink some coffee and have a smoke. The van taking him away was already waiting for him and I knew for a fact that he'd taken a shower before going to bed the night before. I told him there wasn't time for any of that, he just had to get dressed and get to the van. He begins swearing and ranting about how inhumanely we were treating him and after months of his complaints I couldn't hold it in anymore. "I know, it sucks how early you have to get up to get your free medical care, huh?" I told him. He was immediately silent . He got dressed and left in a huff. I later found out how he wrote a grievance to the warden about my comment. Inmate complaints are occasionally reason for worry, so I was nervous when the warden called me in to his office. It turned out he just thought my comment was hilarious and told me to keep up the good work.