The asskicking begins in the bunker, where President Palmer launches a nuke at the generic Muslim nation and coolly waits for them to call and beg to not be incinerated. When the phone rings, well guess what, the Arabs just arrested General Habib, Fayed’s boss, and have started interrogating him.
Back in LA, Jack and Doyle interrogate Fayed in a broom closet with the old “bad cop bad cop” routine, but it’s going nowhere. Fayed plays pretty tough, taunting Jack with lines like, “Are you having fun yet?”, but Jack actually gets a concerned look out of Fayed when he recommends going back to CTU to break out the pharmaceutical kit and quips, “Now we’re gonna have some fun.” During transport back to CTU, however, a Brink’s truck comes out of nowhere and knocks the Jackmobile on its side, and Muslims come out firing. Jack and Doyle try to get Fayed out, and take down a couple of shooters, but both get shot down and Fayed gets rescued, with the Brink’s speeding off into the night or so it would appear! The whole thing was a ruse to get Fayed to take them to the nukes, as Jack was pretty sure Fayed would never break. Jack and Doyle get up and pursue Fayed’s new “friends”, yet another CTU team in disguise.
Anyway, the problem with CTU’s chicanery here is that Fayed’s evil, not stupid, and he won’t rendezvous with the nukes until he gets (1) a loaded gun (dude, never hand a terrorist a loaded gun, give him the one with the blanks, everyone with a TV knows that) and (2) a phone call from Habib. Apparently as a result of Palmer’s subtle idea to threaten to kill his family (welcome back, Wayne), Habib calls Fayed and tells him to go to the nukes, and it looks like Fayed is buying it. However, Nadia, in a rare display of doing something at work besides being hit on, catches that Habib mentioned another guy who’s been dead for a couple years as if he’s alive, and thinks it’s a tipoff. Jack gets word of this to the team driving Fayed around, but it’s too late. Fayed kills them all, plus a garbageman, and escapes for real in the trash truck. Jack, however, caught up with Fayed just in time to hide under the truck and hitch a ride Cape Fear-style.
In the aftermath, Jack gets a call routed through CTU from Audrey, who is alive and in the hands of the Chinese asshole that used to torture Jack, Cheng Zhi! The Chinese look like they want to trade Audrey for something, and all kinds of shit is hitting many fans at once. In some ways, this season has just begun.
Proposed Kimeo: Kim, drunk and disorderly in a Cabo