1. The manliest men always wear the least clothing.

2. Face paint can only make you cooler.

3. People from the Pacific Islands are all bloodthirsty savages who can't talk.

4. Beating the crap out of your boss will get you a promotion.

5. Chest hair is directly proportional to sex appeal.

6. Sooner or later, your best friend WILL betray you.

7. Even the morbidly obese can be professional athletes.

8. Boobies = Ratings