The Summer Internship Interview

Did I have any trouble getting here?Why no, none at all. I just had to sell three weeks worth of my meal plan to get the money fortheforty-three dollarcab ride down here. No that’s not ketchup on my suit, that’s actuallyhomeless person blood. See the cab wouldn’t drop me off in front of your building so I had to walk through eightblocks of the finesturban development the city has to offer. No, I didn’t harm the homeless man, I assure you he was already bleeding from the earswhen he started to hump my leg and demand nickels. I agree, panhandlers these days are really dedicated to their craft.

What do I think of the interview process so far? Well I didn’t quite understand why you locked me in a room for four hours and made me do a Give Yourself Goosebumps book. Thank you, I had no idea that I tied a record when I made it all the way through Werewolf Woods in three attempts. Yeah, I suppose R.L. Stine would be proud. Well, with a week before finals what better way could I be spending my time. I’d probably just be masturbatingin my room right now.

Do I like the office atmosphere here? Well when I walked in and the secretary called me a ‘little faggot,’ I really felt like I belonged here.I guess having to dodge the fecal matter being tossed around the cubiclesreally keeps you on your feet at all times, too.

What? You’re offering me the position. Well, that’s terrific. Wait a second, what kind of intership did you say thisis? Marketing? Oh shit. Yeeeeeah. Um…hah…how do you leave this room? There’s no door. How the fuck did I get in here? No, no, don’t touch me! Just let me get the fuck out of here!