A Confused Old Man Reviews 'Accepted'

Last night I took Martha to see a picture show called “Accepted.” We went because the star reminds us of our youngest grandson, Charlie. Charlie won the national spelling bee in the third grade! He’s in high school now and hangs out with a bunch of rapscallions and smokes the marijuana. If that boy were my son, I’d give him a smacking he’d never forget.

Oh yes, the review. The picture was loud and I didn’t like it. There was too much color. But from what I gathered, a gang of young hooligans go to a college where the women dress like street hussies. If Martha ever dressed like that, I’d slap her right across the face, I would. Don’t test me! I’m on three medications and they make me stronger than an ox, I swear it.

Halfway through the picture, I came to the realization that the college these boys were attending was not a lawful establishment. If you watched carefully, you’d see there were no teachers or any sort of class structure. I stood up to tell the audience it was all a hoax, and that the university was, in fact, a sham. “Napping” is certainly not a class at any legitimate university I’VE ever heard of. Maybe in the lesser developed countries, where the coloreds live. After I said all that, a large ruffian escorted me from the theatre, so I’m not sure how the picture ended. I assume the scalawags were all arrested and severely punished.

The tomfoolery in this picture would certainly not have happened in my day. If it had, my daddy would have whipped me across the bare buttocks with his boot straps! Now that’s an education! None of this board-skateing and women being equals, no sir. Who ever heard of a woman at university? Not me. And coloreds, too? I didn’t fight in two World Wars for this nonsense!

I would not recommend this picture to anyone. If I could, I’d ask for my $1.35 back. WHAT? That picture was $11?? Well I never.