A Songwriting Session with Fall Out Boy

Girly Bassist: Okay guys, we need to write another hit song.

Anonymous Drummer: Well, you’re the “genius” behind this outfit, what do you have in mind?

Girly Bassist: I think this one will be about an underage girl who only slept with me because I’m in Fall Out Boy and broke my heart. I want this song to sound like the Neptunes mixed with Michael Jackson.

Anonymous Drummer: What? What the fuck is the matter with you? Why don’t we just play it like a rock song like when we started?

Girly Bassist: Hell no! Rock is dead, douchebag. We’ve got to be as hip-hop as possible if we want to survive on the scene. Now lead me to my lounge, I’ve got lyrics to write.

Doughy Singer: Come on Pete, again? Why don’t you let one of us write the lyrics to a song for a change?

Girly Bassist: Are you kidding? None of you are as deep or as complicated as I am. Besides, you’re almost retarded; no one can tell what the fuck you’re saying anyway.

Mousy Guitarist: Now, I don’t think that’s fair…

Girly Bassist: Hey! I said ‘Only when spoken to!’ Now get back in your corner! Okay, so let’s think of a title. Should it be a line from a John Hughes movie or a half-assed pun?

Anonymous Drummer: Why don’t we make it a reference to a book that emo kids love? Like, “Holden my hand”?

Girly Bassist: That sucks. You don’t eat tonight. Wait, I’ve got it! “I’m ‘Bout to Bust a Cap from this Gatsby I’m Holden”! It’s money. What do you think, Down Syndrome?

Doughy Singer: I told you to stop calling me that. And that song title is retarded.

Girly Bassist: Pfft, what do you & your extra chromasomes know? We’re gonna get so much 16 year-old pussy with this song.

Doughy Singer, Anonymous Drummer, Mousy Guitarist: … I hate this band.