Hobbes's Life Lessons

Herein, and to follow, shall be a series of life lessons that I have collected in my college career. I shall try and keep them brief and to the point.

The first, and certainly most pressing lesson, is:

You are in college…learn how to drink

Now this is not an advertisement for drinking…drinking is a choice, but should you choose to do it, you should choose to do it well. Now I’m sure that you’d love to tell me about how you and some of the kids on your hall downed so many sixers that you all ended up lining the stalls booting into adjacent toilets.

That is not drinking, that is merely an idiotic form of brain death. As a simple visual reminder, this: never happens after a night of proper drinking. If you come across this in the course of your carousing, simply leave the room.

This brings me to the second point of this lesson; drink beer. When I tell you to drink beer, I mean to actually drink beer: stouts, ales, lagers, lambics, what have you. People sound stupid when they utter something to the effect of, “I don’t drink beer, it tastes awful.” Yes, there are beers that taste bad, but all of them do not, in fact after you have spent time trying them, very few do. Personally I started out drinking stouts, namely Guinness, and then worked my way out. Yes, you might not enjoy all of them at first, but I assure you that if you spend time to expand your palette you will thank yourself in later years.

Finally, there is the part of this lesson which applies to those who drink atbars. If you are ordering at a crowded, or not so crowded, bar, order something simple. You don’t need to order a “Harvey Wallbanger” when you could simply get a “Screwdriver.” The rule of thumb is that any mixed drink you order at a bar where there is a line should involve 2 ingredients (i.e. gin and tonic, 7&7, etc.).

There, now go eat drink and be merry as a civilized human being.