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zach

My Unfortunate Erection

by zach on


My turn’s fast approaching, my speech it grows near
But my heart is filled with apprehension and fear.
Though I am not unready, I did enough to prepare
I just didn’t plan on having a boner to share.

The teacher looks my way and calls me to speak,
I try to stall and delay but my excuses are weak.
My heart races, my brow drips with sweat
They know something’s up, I’m willing to bet.

You’d think with the blood flowing straight to my brain
The blood in my penis would chill out and drain;
But no, alas, my erection remains –
I pray they don’t see the bulge my pants contain.

I try not to panic, I try to think quick,
But all I can think of is my enlarged prick.
The teacher grows angry, her patience is thin
I begin to think this is a fight I can’t win.

Then suddenly, a mad dash to the exits, all rushing –
What was this miracle that saved me from blushing?
Not chaos or sickness nor bodily harm:
My erection was saved by a fire alarm.


Think you can write a funnier poem than this one? Post it as an article and send the link to CHPoetryCorner@gmail.com.
Check out past poems here.

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zach

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Admiral D!ck

I use to work at a Military Rec. Center in the boat rental. The rules were easy 1.first come first serve, 2.rank does not matter, 3.and have a military id, will travel; they could rent boats and go fishing or partying. 6 months prior to graduating boot camp a group of marines reserved the "party barge" (BIG a$$ pontoon) this also happened to be Memorial Weekend.... Read More » Soo, the fresh little newbie's have loaded up the party barge with beer and what not and this Navy Admiral walks up without reservations and orders them to "Disembark and relinquish" the boat. All the new marines snap to attention and start unloading. The admiral than orders them to leave there fishing equipment and beer to save him time and expense. Seeing this I walk up and inform the Admiral "no reservations, no boat, your sol." Admiral orders to see my boss (I am the boss) and say "go to the big white house in DC and file your complaint there" Admiral "What's your name and rank! I'll have you marshaled!" Me "my name is ___" having no rank because I'm a civilian I stick my butt out and while pointing to my posterior "my rank is kiss this." Mr. Admiral d!ck wad storms off mumbling something about MPs and I help the marines out of the dock and with them a happy party. I do so love p!ssing of military officers.