Are you on the list?

I got to get something off my chest. I’m a “Heroes” fan. There’s less then a week to go until new episodes and I feel like a girl on prom night, nervous but cautiously horny. I’m also excited. “Heroes” is easily my favorite show. My only problem is I can’t find any other fans to unite against the various forces that have been arrayed against us, such as “Lost” fans. Honestly I don’t get it. If I tell anyone I like “Heroes” they laugh, and then ask if I’m kidding. One time someone thought that I meant that I had a firemen fetish, which I don’t. Meanwhile “Lost” fan’s get to walk around and bask in the warm glow of public acceptance. I have a friend who had a threesome with two girls just because he bought the “Lost” DVD’s. No lie… well maybe a lie.

Now I’m not here to convince anyone to join the band wagon. Lord knows I’d have a hell of a time trying. The story is about superheroes banding together… to save a cheerleader… to save the world. Peter Petrelli, the lead character, looks like the rejected front man from 30 Seconds to Mars. Plus, he’s a nurse, with a man purse. Not really the hero type. To top it all off, he’s always standing about 6 inches away from his older brother and talking all touchy feely. The villain, Sylar, is just as lame. His real name is Gabriel Gray, and he works on watches. Weak.

But then things get awesome. Peter catches the jungle fever, uses his power to steal everyone else’s, kicks a junkie’s ass, and threatens to explode New York, all to win his older brother’s respect and admiration… which I think is worth it (respect me damnit!). Meanwhile, Sylar uses telekinesis to steal hero’s brains and then their powers, making him a very grisly and admittedly confusing enemy. Plus the special effects are really well done, if you’re into that. Also the story is well paced, entertaining, and unlike “Lost” actually seems to be going somewhere.

And then there’s the cheerleader. Jailbait at it’s most illegal. She’s like 17 or something. So every episode watched is kind of like an investment in a stock that will mature to legal tender in a few months, nahimsayin? Plus, Ali Larter is in it, and she may not be Evangeline Lilly, but give her credit for trying.

Plus the heroes are supposedto save the world, but they are really saving Manhattan. Now Randy Newman already told us that the US was really the only part of the world worth anything, but Heroes takes it one step further by saying Manhattan is literally the world. As a man that lives near NYC I have no choice but to agree. Sorry Bosto n but you’re still not relevant.

Three more awesome things, effective Japanese comic relief, the Heroes 360 experience for die hard fans, and a morally gray corporation that’s motives are still not known. Which is nothing like the DHARMA initiative. “Cause the “Heroes” one kidnaps heroes. Not like the Others. So don’t compare them.

If this article helped at least one “Heroes” fan become proud of it, then I guess I did my job.

I also like Fall Out Boy. And women. I really like women, they like me back, we are happy with this arrangement.